Blog In search of the American dream at Segredo

If it were possible to perform an autopsy on the American soul, right next to hot dogs and apple pie you’d probably find a bowling pin. So when The A.V. Club heard a new Brazilian-inspired restaurant and “boutique" bowling joint was opening under the name Segredo (624 University Ave., 608-257-1122), we wanted to see how it stacked up against a more prototypical alley. As much as we love the real thing, the average American bowling experience could certainly stand some improvements, so we visited Segredo last Saturday night and to make a point-by-point comparison.

Security: Taking into account that this was Segredo’s opening weekend, and the space (formerly Madison Avenue) sits at the vortex of Madison's college-bar scene, posting a few heavies at the door is probably a good idea. But we counted seven rented security folks before we saw an employee or patron.
Advantage: Traditional bowling alley

Interior: It always feels like home when a bowling alley smells like stale beer and sweaty feet, but cleanliness isn’t a sin—especially in a bar. Segredo was spotless, and its sprawling interior balances modernity with retro-chic design. Even the bathrooms were spit-polished. The multi-level space is dotted with bars and hidden rooms, and there are plenty of quiet corners for drinking and conversation. Our only complaint is that none of the seating was overly comfortable—even the couches. But that’s a minor quibble.
Advantage: Segredo

Bowling: Segredo’s four "boutique" lanes are located in the center of the bar below two kick-ass HD projection screens. The lanes are shorter than regulation, though they employ normal-sized pins and balls. The biggest difference is that the pins are threaded with strings hung above the lanes, making this marionette approximation almost nothing like actual bowling. The pins don’t really fly around, and rolling a strike is more an act of God than skill. To say bowling at Segredo is a scaled-down version of the real thing isn’t really accurate—instead, think of an oversized Golden Tee machine with some extra equipment.
Advantage: Traditional bowling alley

Food: We didn’t have a chance to try any of the wares, but we did peruse the menu, and witnessed more than a few patrons ooh-ing and ahh-ing over their plates. It looked good: calamari fritos, five spice potato chips, pulled chicken and cheddar enchiladas, and so on. Best of all, there’s nary an over-fried chicken finger to be found. And when you take into account that most alley food is unfit for pig slop, Segredo runs laps around your local lanes. For what it’s worth, the cheese-steak we saw, smelled, and pined over appeared to be awesome.
Advantage: Segredo

Ambiance: It’s hard to compare Segredo to a bowling alley in mood and atmosphere, because its conception exists somewhere on the opposite end of the continuum. It’s classy, contemporary, and well-appointed. The staff was overly professional and helpful, in spite of having a few understandable first-weekend kinks. (One of the lanes was malfunctioning, but they fixed it immediately.) If you ask a question at a bowling alley, and receive anything other than an ambiguous grunt in response, you generally consider yourself lucky.
Advantage: Segredo

Verdict: The bowling alley billing is a little misleading—Segredo isn’t trying to be a bowling alley, nor should it. Think more of an upscale bar/restaurant with a few bowling-themed accents. And that’s probably a good thing, as sometimes even our most cherished bits of Americana need to be taken off the shelf, dusted off, and given a good polishing.