MyMenu's consultant-approved freezer cuisine

Short on time? Short on skills? If you're going to a block party and need to bring some meat or appetizers or something but haven't a clue, you may be mildly tempted to resort to the weird new MyMenu outlets, which sell frozen prepared foods for the lazy and/or cooking-challenged. Though at first glance MyMenu appears at first to be some kind of national chain, it turns out that a would-be Canadian mega-corporation launched its U.S. takeover plan with five locations here in Madison one year ago, though they have already expanded to Fort Wayne, Ind. Puzzled yet intrigued by the concept of a retailer that specializes entirely in frozen meals, The A.V. Club sampled some of the consultant-friendly "party foods" (as a press release calls some of the items) in MyMenu freezer lockers.

Beef filet mignons
Everything at MyMenu is frozen. Starting from that axiom and working backwards, something like a frozen steak makes sense. Two six-ounce beef filet mignons go for $22.99, which might seem steep, but the experience is actually very good: the steaks are high-quality, pre-seasoned, cut to portion size, and ready for throwing on the grill. Prefab perfection, George Jetson. Just thaw. But this turns out to be the high end of MyMenu product line.

Oriental style party pak
On the other end of the spectrum, this bad boy (55 pieces for $12.99) is suspicious in the same way those over-sized steak-eating contests are. Bring the hot mustard sauce: Bland mini vegetable spring rolls, breaded chicken breast pieces, and bite-sized hunks of boneless breaded pork loin crowd the "pak." The 12 mini-potstickers are kind of a boon, but the egg rolls here are about as "Oriental" as Mickey Rooney in Breakfast At Tiffany's. It's a sweaty and discomforting experience.

Four cheese bite-size pizzas
This slightly tomato-tangy, fake-cheesy, mostly tasteless, food-like substance might be just the thing after nine beers. At $6.99 for 30 pieces... well, you do the math. We've had too many bite-size pizzas. And nine beers.

Skewers (mix and match, sale price: 10 for $10)
Skewers seem like a good idea, but then there's the question of sourcing. The cuts of meat are tasty but sometimes fatty and strangely oblong (your choice of "buffalo style" chicken, lemon and herb chicken, BBQ pork, or Mediterranean pork kebabs). They're unevenly proportioned, which is bad for grilling. They are also not easy to extract from the individual plastic shrink-wrapped packages (the carbon footprint of these things must be hellish) without destroying the integrity of the skewer.

Black forest “brats”
Here, the consultants blew it. With Madison as the flagship market, syntax counts. "16 Black Forest 'Brats' for $14.99." Does that look right to you? More importantly, the product is inferior—too oily and bland. When it comes to brats, even the most uppity Canucks should know well enough to leave it to us Wisconsinites.