Our First Time: Smut n' Eggs

We may act like know-it-alls, but sometimes even The A.V. Club has holes in our Madison knowledge. So periodically we’ll slap on our fanny packs and cameras to check out some of the city’s more famous attractions and events, and then report back on what you may or may not be missing.

Bennett's Meadowood Country Club (2009 Freeport Rd., 608-271-3827) makes no secret of its contempt for the standards of law and man. These laissez-faire leanings manifest into weekly newspaper ads blasting local politics and banners hung outside the restaurant that read, "Mayor & City Council: Give Our City Back!" But Bennett's does your average gadfly one better with Smut n' Eggs, a decades-old tradition of showing pornography while serving breakfast—because this is America, and they can. After needlessly plodding through years of porn-free morning meals, The A.V. Club finally sought to, uh, rectify the situation.

What to expect: Wisconsin didn't invent the townie bar but somehow this dairy-state dive exceeds blurry-eyed standards.  Between a highway overpass and a junkyard, its less-than-auspicious site only lends to the completely pretense-free dining experience that waits within. In fact, with features like an RV parked outside that doubles as a smoking lounge and ample pornography in the bar, it's clear that Bennett's is the type of place that welcomes one and all with open arms, including smokers and perverts.

We initially expected a dark-and-dirty sausage fest in all possible senses. To our surprise, though, Bennett's proved to be a relatively clean, bright, and cheery place that attracts a vibrant mix of clientele, from college students to middle-aged couples to guys just looking to kill a few brews while checking out the want ads. The house speakers blurt out innocuous country music rather than an audio track from one of the pornos onscreen. We're grateful for that, because enduring the echoes of coital bliss off the wood-paneled walls would have been pretty fucking gross.

What to watch for: Though the A/V riggings look a little rudimentary, Bennett's shows three different pornos simultaneously, providing a rare opportunity for comparative analysis of set design, cinematography, and makeup in adult cinema. Plus, sometimes the three TVs—precariously mounted on a sagging wooden plank above the Bloody Mary bar—all sync up for a trifecta of money shots. It's the adult entertainment industry's answer to a lunar eclipse.

Impress your friends: In most instances, people view porn in private, and presumably don't eat while doing so. The concept of Smut n' Eggs serves as a test of will, a challenge in which only the strong can gobble sausage links and ogle explicit sex acts without a hint of irony. But since not addressing the 800-pound gorilla in the room is rarely an option, the real trick is conducting a porn-related discussion without spoiling everyone's appetite.

Highlight: Amidst all the hardcore onscreen, the food somehow managed to provide the biggest shock of the morning: It was actually really good. The Styrofoam plates and awesomely icky menu items like "Eggs Bennett-Dick," had us suspicious at first, of course, but the delicate balance of salty, sweet, greasy, and crispy held up throughout what tasted like a lovingly prepared meal, so to speak.

When to go: Since 1977, Bennett's Smut n' Eggs (or "Porn in the Morn," as our coffee mug read) has gone down every Saturday and Sunday, from 6 a.m. "till somebody respectable comes in."

Yes, this bloody Mary's string-cheese garnish looks like a tampon. On purpose.