4th And 26 Packers-Bucs: It's always sunny in Tampa Bay

It’d be nice if there was some way to dismiss the latest Vikings debacle as a case of the Packers getting screwed on calls, or simply needing a break to go their way. That’s obviously not true. In both games, the scoreboard-enhancing mini-comebacks were deceiving. Neither contest was particularly close, and at no time during those 120 minutes did the Pack look like the better team. The talent deficit is bad enough, but more discouraging is how we didn’t appear to be prepared. Again.

The Vikings are the superior club this year. That’s a fact, though it’s irrelevant to the already tired ’09 storyline: The Packers made too many stupid mistakes to beat a talented team. Oh, and that Brett Favre guy played brilliantly. In winning the two games on the field, he proved his point to Ted Thompson and everyone else. And really, what else is left to say about it? It sucks, but former Packers V.P. Andrew Brandt said Favre wanted to leave Green Bay in 2008 anyway. It’s probably as good of time as any to direct our attention elsewhere—like cheering hard for the Saints.

The season is by no means scuttled, though we definitely should cancel any post-season plans until the Packers prove they can beat a playoff-caliber team. (Sorry, Bears, you don’t count.) That won’t happen this week. For the third time in four games, we play one of the league’s dregs. And using records as a guide, Tampa Bay is the worst. It wasn’t so long ago they were a divisional foe and worthy rival. Not anymore. Sitting at 0-7 and handing the ball to a quarterback who last started against Iowa State, the Bucs are little more than a Pop Warner team with a fancy pirate ship. Since these types of games are tough for both fans and players to get up for—particularly after a heart-stomping loss—here are three suggestions to help give this game a little more juice.

Dance with an old star
Bring Warren Sapp out of retirement, like right now. Games are always more fun when an opponent has an unlikable player, and Warren Sapp was as consistently unlikable as they come. (Plus the current Bucs couldn’t be more faceless if they started 22 social-security numbers.) Who can forget 2002 when Sapp destroyed Chad Clifton with a blindside cheap shot, leading Mike Sherman to chase him across the field, to which Sapp later responded: “If I was 25 years old and didn't have a kid and a conscience, I would have given him an ass-kicking right there at the 30-yard line.” You stay classy, Sapp. Also, since it seems Mike McCarthy is incapable of learning the steps necessary to instill this team with a sense of urgency or fire, looking for inspiration from a retired, Dancing With The Stars vet doesn’t seem so odd.

Hold a séance with John McKay
For as frustrating as it can be to hear McCarthy’s empty refrains of “We’ll look at the tape and get it cleaned up for next week,” he’s nowhere near as overmatched as Tampa’s first-year head coach Raheem Morris. The 33-year-old Morris was given the job after never having served as an NFL coordinator, and his lack of experience was immediately exposed when he fired the team's offensive coordinator 10 days before the opener. That wasn’t exactly a continuity builder, and Morris is pretty much the opposite of the Bucs' crusty first head coach, John McKay. Even though McKay shepherded the team through an unfathomable 26-game losing streak, he was always good for a post-game zinger—like the time he was asked about his team’s execution, and replied, “I’m all for it.” This game needs a straight shooter, and right now the two coaches involved are firing big-time blanks.

Bring back The Big Sombrero
Conventional wisdom says the Bucs upgraded significantly when they ditched their Creamsicle-colored uniforms and less-than-swashbuckling icon for the current Jolly Roger and pewter ensemble. Well, Bucco Bruce is making a throwback uniform appearance, and that’s just fine. At this point I’m looking for anything to help, and if a sexually ambiguous come-hither pirate is what it takes to scare Johnny Jolly from smashing his facemask into opposing players at the most inopportune times, I’m all for it. Now if they could find a way to resurrect old Tampa Stadium, we'd really be getting somewhere. The concrete monstrosity was overly hot, put fans miles from the action, and basically stood as a monument to abject failure. I always want the Packers to win, but I’d be A-okay if they were anything but comfortable this week.

Prediction: As we arrive at the halfway point, it’s tough to get a read on this team. They obviously have enough talent to drub the shitty teams, though they haven’t won a game they weren’t supposed to since last October against the Colts. Not so much the stuff dreams and playoff runs are made of. Assuming a win this week to get to 5-3, the next four games are the key: Dallas, San Francisco, and Baltimore at home, with Detroit sandwiched in on Thanksgiving. If we don’t scrape out a 3-1, the brutal three-out-of-four-on-the-road stretch to end the season will likely do us in. But let’s worry (and bitch) about that later—we only get 16 Packers games a year, so we might as well enjoy this one. We win, but the Vikings hangover keeps it close. Packers 24, Buccaneers 20