Snake bites woman’s face at book club, inspires classic incident report
j4yx0r via Flickr
Keep up with the reading or else.
Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked over the work week. Here are some things to think about as weekend begins.
• The guilt of skipping the assigned reading for book club can apparently make people do crazy things to avoid embarrassment. Spying a ball python resting in an aquarium at her book club’s meeting place, one Madison woman snatched up the reptile, only to have it latch onto her face until authorities and the snake’s owner arrived to coax the animal into releasing its jaw. Since the woman will be fine and now has an extra week to finish the assigned reading, this meeting certainly went more smoothly than the time one member tried to induce food poisoning in order to get out of reading The Help. Make sure to read Joel DeSpain’s instant-classic incident report.
• UW officials finally released the report detailing what happened at a Rose Bowl party of former Senior Associate Athletic Director John Chadima that led to his firing and immediate disappearance within a week of returning to Madison—turns out that he put his hand down the pants of a student, who was “shocked and frightened” before slapping Chadima’s hand away. “Embarrassing” might have been an understated way to phrase “sexual assault,” but at least now Chadima’s speedy and quiet dismissal makes more sense.
• It might be time for Republican state legislators to pool their campaign contributions and rent a house on Doty Street where they can safely hold business keggers and discuss their more nefarious schemes. First state Rep. Robin Vos gets a beer dumped on his head, and now state Sen. Michael Ellis has been busted on video talking about how Preble High School in Green Bay isn’t worthy of inclusion in any school voucher program because it’s “a sewer, they’ve got the poverty possum.” Students and teachers didn’t need to know what a “poverty possum” might be in order to take offense, quickly organizing a pep rally celebrating the school and demanding a formal apology from the senator. Had they planned ahead, Ellis could be playing beer pong with his GOP pals instead of planning a trip to the school to awkwardly deliver his mea culpa in person.
• But Ellis isn’t all poverty bashing and evil—he’s also trying to make amends for fucking over Wisconsin craft brewers in the state budget with new legislation that will make home brewing a whole lot more awesome. Assembly Bill 395 will permit homemade wine and beer to be transported to competitions and tasting events. Just God help you if you try to sell it. Under Assembly Bill 480 (sponsored by state Rep. Joel Kleefisch), liquor sellers will be able to offer a shot and a half to those hoping to sample their spirits. Making beer, wine, and liquor more available doesn’t seem to jive with the puritanical aspects of the budget passed last year—is it just that lawmakers think that they’ll need a drink that badly in 2012? What could cause them to think that?
