Switchblade dads and stripteasing mummies: a Madison Horror Film Festival survival guide
The Woman looks absolutely terrifying.
A hardcore horror film buff can bleed more than 13 hours of scares out of a single $12 ticket to the Madison Horror Film Festival Saturday at Market Square Cinemas, but not everyone has that kind of time to dedicate to schlocky performances and rubber monsters. Also, some people are babies and need their hand held before they commit to watching anything remotely scary. In either case, The A.V. Club waded through gallons of fake blood on your behalf to assemble dossiers on a few of the festival’s many gems.
Troll Hunter, Festival Pre-Party, Friday Oct. 7, 8:30 p.m. at Regent Street Retreat
The hook?: Just when you think you started watching yet another Blair Witch Project or Paranormal Activity found-footage retread, a bearded Norwegian folk hero runs into the cameraman and screams “TROLL!” at the top of his lungs.
The payoff?: This is a faux nature documentary that has more laughs than scares.
Will you survive?: Make no mistake; the characters face very real danger throughout the film, especially when their troll expert wanders off and leaves them defenseless. But the fantastically rendered trolls more often look ridiculous than scary. You’re more likely to have nightmares about whatever it is that the troll hunter uses to mask his scent.
Employee Of The Month, opening block of festival, 11 a.m.
The hook?: The recession has hit everyone hard, even the movie monster community. Movie monsters have to hit the job placement office just like everyone else.
The payoff?: This short is a vibrant rendering of horror clichés past. Also, a fairy makes a NSFW career move.
Will you survive?: It’s all in good fun, but if you’re anything like us, seeing a mummy do a striptease out of his bandages will make your skin crawl.
The Collapsed, opening film block of festival, 11:35 a.m.
The hook?: Society is crumbling, gun-toting maniacs run wild in the streets, and one family struggles to stay alive. Dad has nothing but a switchblade and curiously refined survivalist skills to keep the family safe from whatever ended the world.
The payoff?: This film has beautiful cinematography, a great score, and a powerhouse lead performance with some dodgy but competent story execution.
Will you survive?: The scariest part of The Collapsed is the sense of dread at the thought that gas-masked men with guns could stomp out of the woods at any moment. Dramatic shifts in camera focus within a scene can be distracting, but also add to the sense of unease. And naturally, there’s a mindfuck at the end of it all to make you reconsider the carnage you’ve seen over the course of the film. By the end, you’ll be afraid to walk the dog near the woods for a while.
Alone, post-dinner film block, 4:05 p.m.
The hook?: A young girl finds herself in an unfortunate bind involving barbed wire, a dimly lit basement, and no one within earshot.
The payoff?: Nudity. It’s a horror staple after all. There are some truly disturbing blood and flesh effects as well.
Will you survive?: There’s not much to this short but the torture-porn aspect, so the squeamish should steer clear. Though if you can’t stomach seven minutes of mild gore to see the briefest glimpse of breasts, you’ve probably got no business being at a daylong horror film festival.
Flesh-Eating Fog, evening film block, 7 p.m.
The hook?: A sentient gas with a taste for the flesh of man roams South Central Wisconsin. How are pot-smoking hippies and school children supposed to outsmart deadly water vapor?
The payoff?: Mostly it’s just seeing person after person getting murdered horribly by fog. Also there are some comically bad stand-ins for human flesh, including what appears to be red slushy.
Will you survive?: The fun of this film lies in seeing what kind of gore the filmmakers can manage on a shoestring budget. The fog kills with more comedy than brutality, but if severed limbs get your stomach churning, you may need to take a bathroom break during this one.
The Woman, festival closer, 10:30 p.m.
The hook?: A family finds a feral woman in the woods and attempts to indoctrinate her with their oppressive notions of civilization.
The payoff?: The film screened to a shocked Sundance audience, with walk outs that proclaimed that the film should be destroyed. Naturally, others—including Benji Carver of Film School Rejects—absolutely loved it. The film’s official release also coincides with the festival, making this screening the Madison première.
Will you survive?: Between the audience reaction at Sundance and the MPAA’s clear-as-day “strong bloody violence, torture, a rape” stamp on the trailer, we’re guessing this one isn’t going to make a great date movie. Bring uninitiated girlfriends at your own risk.
