Talkin' Baseball: Brewers at-bat music reviewed

In many ways, professional baseball players don’t have a lot of control in the workplace. Given numbered uniforms and instructed how to look, behave, and even respond to questions from the media, players have only one way to express themselves on the field: the 10-second music clip playing on the stadium P.A. before they bat. So it’s only natural that our Brewers take advantage of this audio allowance and, in doing so, grant fans insight to their off-the-field personalities—and the assortment of bad music they favor.

To help the next time you find yourself cringingly asking, “What is that awful sound?” the next time Corey Hart steps to the plate, I took on the painful task of identifying most of the musical score that embodies Brewers’ at-bat music.

Ryan Braun: “Go Getta” by Young Jeezy. After briefly using “Smooth Criminal” to posthumously honor Michael Jackson, Braun has apparently returned to his former musical mainstay. It’s sort of like taking off a three-piece suit and putting on a Remetee, only in song form.

Prince Fielder: “Heir To The Throne” by Prote-J. You know you’ve arrived as a big leaguer when a little-known Florida rapper writes a song inspired by you. Well, you actually know you’ve arrived as a big leaguer when you’re the youngest player ever to hit 50 homers in a season, you appear in two All-Star games, you win a Home Run Derby, and a little-known Florida rapper writes a song inspired by you. Apparently, this guy is okay at baseball.

Corey Hart: various shitty country songs by various shitty county artists. If his Kentucky roots, his legions of dependents, or his Southern-fried take on fielding hadn’t made Hart’s redneck-ness apparent, his at-bat music should hammer that point home. Last year found Hart torturing us with Craig Morgan’s “International Harvester” and this season he’s settled on “Picking Wildflowers” by Keith Anderson. I’m betting Hart’s appendix blew itself up as a means of escape.

Jason Kendall: “Dig” by Mudvayne. Given how scrawny dirtballs with shaved heads are Mudvayne’s target demographic, I’d be more surprised if Kendall’s song weren't “Dig.” Neither Kendall nor Mudvayne have had a significant hit since 2001.

Manny Parra: “In The Ayer” by Flo-Rida. A song about putting objects in the “ayer” should be the last thing a pitcher who’s struggled for much of the season needs. I mean, you don’t see Jeff Suppan using Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s “Got Your Money” as his at-bat song (though that’d be awesome) and, if memory serves, Ben Sheets never came to the plate to Nine Inch Nails’ or Johnny Cash’s “Hurt”.

Casey McGehee: “B.O.O.T.” by Pepper. To me, this song is like the pre-2009 Casey McGehee in that I had no prior exposure to it and made an immediate assumption it probably wasn’t very good. Unlike my assumption of McGehee, I was right about the song.

Mike Cameron: “Go Hard” by DJ Khaled, “American Dreamin’” by Jay-Z, “One” by Fat Joe, “Soul Survivor” by Akon, “Put On” by Young Jeezy, “Here I Am” by Rick Ross, “Da Rockwilder” by Method Man & Red Man, “Hustler’s Anthem ‘09” by Busta Rhymes, “Universal Mind Control” by Common, “All I Know” by Julian Marley, “My Life For Your Entertainment” by T.I., “That's Gangsta” by Bun B. Cameron, who’s apparently the best friend of every person who’s ever put on a baseball glove, seems equally friendly with his song choices.

Mat Gamel: “My Own Way” by Pennywise. Gamel was shipped back to triple-A Nashville, but broke the mold of radio rock, pop country and mainstream hip-hop before his demotion. Here’s to hoping this is a sign of change to come.

Frank Catalanotto: “Your Love” by The Outfield. Though used by others around the league, “Your Love” is perhaps the best Brewers at-bat song. Miller Park’s attendance proves this each time Catalanotto steps to the plate by singing and dancing without a care in the world… until they remember Frank Catalanotto is at bat.

There you have it, the highlights and lowlights of the 2009 Brewers at-bat music. Unfortunate as most of these selections are, I hope to hear them blaring on the stadium speakers deep into October. Except Hart’s song – that one’s just too much.