The YouTube guide to competitive eating
Just eat it!
At last year’s USquare National Food Court Eating Championship, the winner, Ian “The Invader” Hickman, demolished pizza, turkey subs, orange chicken, rice & maki rolls, and bubble tea to win the contest. This Saturday at University Square (University Avenue, 608-242-5566), one lucky professional eater will dominate the food court again to be crowned king or queen. Watching those warriors turn a basic human need into a disgusting display, have you ever wondered how they do it? Well sorry, The A.V. Club doesn’t know, but based on the extremely limited research we did on YouTube, we can make a few (mostly un-) educated guesses.
Pizza
Advice: Looks like eating two slices at a time—or folding them in half if they’re really big—is the way to go. It also helps to be Kobayashi and have women yelling that they love you.
Sandwich
Advice: Take small bites.
Orange Chicken
Advice: Don’t use chopsticks and don’t bore everyone to death with your incessant chattering.
Bubble Tea
Advice: It would appear that drinking out of a bottle you can squish is the best way to make everyone’s eyes bug out.
Rice & Maki Rolls
Advice: If you can’t finish them all, try to hide the last 15 rolls in your mouth like this guy.
