Trail Of Beers: Monona Drive, Cottage Grove Road, and points in between

The relatively high number of restaurants and taverns on Monona Drive and Cottage Grove Road are perfect for a tour of the local flavor, and this neck of the woods is decidedly unlike downtown Madison. Isthmus-dwellers who never leave their favorite near-East Side haunts have no idea what’s waiting on the other side of the lake: sketchy bartenders wearing poodle skirts, crusty old men shouting at the TV over 2 p.m. shots of tequila, hardcore Wisco-style bar food, and specialty martinis are all part of this eclectic ride to the far side.

Tully's II (6401 Monona Dr., 608-222-4995)
At Tully's II, sporting events get top priority. Patrons tend to either watch the game from the long, semicircular bar or munch on Wisconsin supper club-style fare at tables where televisions are still
generally within sight lines.
Food of choice: The fish-fry, deep-fried green beans, jalapeno- and cheese-stuffed pretzels, and a brat "Reuben" are all in the running, but 14 mini-tacos for $5 wins for sheer bravado.
Fun fact: House t-shirts for sale claim "The Liver is Evil" on the front and "It Must Be Punished at Tully's II" on the back.

Snick's Sportsman's Bar (4605 Monona Dr, 608-442-5620)
Despite the relatively recently enacted "no smoking" rule, a patina of pollution has burrowed tattoo-like into the bar, the walls, and pretty much every patron. And even at a place where a "crowd" could be considered more than five folks, patrons are given a hand-scrawled “Out Smoking” placard to use as placeholder when heading out for a heater.
Food of choice: There are some dives that specialize in bar food. Here, it’s best to stick with a frozen Emil’s pizza.
Fun fact: Due to its close proximity to the Monona Golf Course, Snick’s also goes by The 19th Hole—and that’s about the extent of the irony you’ll find here.

Packers Inn (300 Cottage Grove Rd., 608-222-9984)
Entering this house-like structure is confusing—there are too many doors, and not all of them open. Once you figure out how to get inside, the disintegrating chairs (they aren't even trying to save these suckers with duct tape) and burned-in smell of grease are off-putting, but the colorful Green Bay Packers curtains balance the sketchiness out with just the right touch of green-and-gold fervor.
Food of choice: Even in a culture that deep-fries Oreos and Twinkies, submersing an Oscar Meyer wiener in boiling oil is a stretch. Also available: the excellent Packer Burger, egg sandwiches, and fried cheese curds.
Fun fact: With Winnie's Bar reeling from liquor license troubles, Packers Inn is the new king of the dive bars on Cottage Grove Rd.

Jade Monkey Lounge (109 Cottage Grove Rd., 608-819-8501)
Tasteful interior design, a bartender wearing a tie, fish tanks with sunken galleons, and (during The A.V. Club’s visit) a screening of Peter Fonda's obscure time travel freak-out Idaho Transfer, immediately signal that Jade Monkey is not a typical Monona flop-around with sawdust on the floor. Darts, a pool table, shuffleboard, and a large smoking patio all acknowledge the reality of the Monkey's location, but otherwise you could imagine yourself in a more uppity part of town. Specialty drinks like the Grape Ape (grape vodka with olives), Monkey Martini (Stoli raspberry with Midori melon and sour), and Zentini (green tea liquor with Absolut Citron and lime) do nothing to shatter the illusion.
Food of choice: Twelve inches of Emil's pizza for eight bucks.
Fun fact: National (Huggie from Los Angeles) and local DJs (like Jeremy Thomas, Homewrecker, and Newlow) spin hip-hop, funk, and downtempo every Sunday night.