Wind-up weekend at the Chazen: How Automata's wooden machines mimic drunken exploits

There are tons of ways to catalog a boozy weekend about town, from snapping photos of a beer-filled boot at the Essen Haus to swiping a Grand Slam menu from Denny's. Fun as these activities may be, they leave stains of regret. That's why the Chazen Museum Of Art's new exhibit, Automata: Contemporary Mechanical Sculpture (running through March 14), is brilliant: It captures all the delight of ill-advised exploits in an innocuous, dignified gallery setting. Features include a room of self-sustaining machines, called automata, many of which are operated by a simple wooden crank. While most of the sculptures are behind Plexiglass, preventing visitors from turning the cranks, a video screen in the gallery depicts many of them in motion. Here are a few pieces to check out if you're hankering for illicit adventure without consequence.

"Pub" by Wanda Sowry
No need to make an ass of yourself by throwing back one too many brewskis at the bar. Instead, watch three wooden stool-bums raise pint glasses to their lips, slam the empties on the bar, and order another round at warp speed. The turn of a crank animates the scene: A bartender rushes to serve the thirsty trio as one man scratches his ass with a vengeance and a wadded napkin is tossed onto the bar and flutters in the breeze.

"Untitled" by Michael Croft (based on a design by Peter Markey)
One of the few automata not locked in a case lets you turn up the heat for two lovebirds. As you rotate the crank, their faces slam together in a sloppy kiss, over and over again—just like those people next to you at the movies, or you and your friend's sister's roommate at a house party last Saturday.

"The Flasher" by Michael Croft
This piece offers a scene straight out of a Saturday-morning jog to Picnic Point—or a late-night ramble through Peace Park. A bald guy in tennis shoes and a trench coat reveals his birthday suit when you turn the crank on this piece. As the flaps of his jacket part, a tiny light beams toward you. If you dare to stare, you'll discover a tiny camera is strategically placed above his crotch.

"Great Tongue From Above" by Neil Hardy
Its title alone invites all sorts of raunchy interpretations, but this sculpture's faux-religious theme may remind you most Madison weekends, whether you attend religious services hungover or worship at the Church Of The Bloody Mary on Sunday mornings. An anteater pokes its tongue into the caverns of an ant farm, and the ants, unaware of the tongue's source, think it's an angry god they must appease with brandy and cognac. As the crank is turned, the ant church's characters—Prophet Of The Tongue, The High Priest, and Keeper Of The Bucket, to name a few—scurry about. The ant at the bottom of the farm offers a cup of booze to the tongue, saving them all from destruction.