News Net Wisconsin: Home to crossbow fishing, Beer Olympics, and topless chipmunk dancers

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked over the weekend. Here are some things to think about as the workweek begins.

• Wisconsinites can rest easy knowing that the state legislature has the scourge of dangerous carp and goldfish in Wisconsin rivers and lakes under control—the state assembly voted unanimously to pass a bill that allows the hunting of undesirable fish species with a goddamned crossbow. In allowing more violent fish death statewide, assembly members have bolstered the state’s lagging economy with an impending influx of boat-mounted crossbow rack purchases while at the same time showing that bipartisan support for badassery in this state is alive and well.

• Famous last words: “Because it is the Fox Valley Beer Olympics does not mean there will be an excessive amount of drinking,” said Alex Schmidt, who hopes to celebrate the athleticism of alcoholism to raise money for Jill Irish, a 27-year-old Appleton woman struggling with Stage III Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He eases fears by saying that only one of the events will involve chugging, but plays fast and loose with people’s hangover potential by making no guarantees that quality beer will be chugged. Schmidt and his co-organizer Michael Eiting hope to turn their Beer Olympics into an annual fundraiser benefiting a Wisconsin resident who has been afflicted by tragedy in the past year. Let’s all hope the party gods smile down on this kegger for a cause.

• The Madison Winter Festival proceeded this weekend unimpeded by the lack of any actual snow around the square. The city brought in white stuff by the truckload for skiers, snowboarders, and ice sculptors to celebrate wintertime fun as onlookers wandered around without coats and wondered where the hell we even live any more.

• In a sign of the Internet’s power to enable endless cycles of renewed appreciation for weird shit around us, a local Reddit user re-discovered and documented the “Dead Pals of Sam Sanfillipo,” a taxidermy display of squirrels and other woodland creatures playing poker and getting their drink on at the chipmunk strip bar in the basement of Cress Funeral Home. As a bona fide off-the-beaten-path tourist destination, it’s the sort of tongue-in-cheek display of animal mounting prowess that explains why Wisconsin can be so charming and still be the source of so many serial killers. Check out The A.V. Club Madison's video tour of the exhibit from a few years back.