Your judges brace for "...The Aristocrats!"
You said it, Gilbert.
A couple of months ago, I learned from Dane101 editor Jesse Russell that he'd be hosting a contest tonight at the High Noon Saloon in which local comics would offer up their versions of a highly vulgar comedy staple, "The Aristocrats." I was asked to judge the contest, as were 77 Square entertainment writer Katjusa Cisar and WTDY radio-news reporter and anchor Dustin Weis. I'm looking forward to it, not just because I'm involved but because it's one of the better local-event ideas I've heard lately. "The Aristocrats" is a joke that basically lets comics' imaginations run wild in territory full of deviant sex acts and worse. I'd imagine that even if a few contestants bomb, that too will be entertaining, in a sick way. But since we're supposed to score this damn thing and actually pick a judges' favorite, Katjusa and Dusty and I met up a couple of weeks ago to set some ground rules for judging. Here's what we came up with. I shall attempt to illustrate the point of some of these criteria with YouTube clips from the documentary about the joke, The Aristocrats.
-Excessive swearing for its own sake will not be rewarded. That said, using swear words imaginatively will be rewarded, as will the use of fucked-up metaphors or analogies.
-Originality counts, of course. Here's Wendy Liebman turning the whole joke on its head:
-Naturally, we'll have to place high value on the "groan factor": If a comedian succeeds in making us double over in sheer disgust, that means something. If we can't distinguish between our own groans and laughter, that's even better. The whole format of the joke is: A man goes into a talent agent's office to describe his family's stage act, the details of said act are horribly perverse, and, as a punchline, it's called "The Aristocrats!" It's all about the rotten, roiling center. And so is the entire being of Bob Saget.
-Audience engagement: No matter how good your material is, you've got to get the crowd to come along with you. 'Tis a delicate and brutal hunt.
-Use of time: Each comic gets a 10-minute time limit. Going over is right out, but I'd imagine someone could use up only a couple minutes and still be effective.
-Physical expressiveness: Whatever your version of "The Aristocrats" is, you're describing a grand and complex stage act, so effective use of gestures and movements could help us really see it. I could take or leave this reclined Sarah Silverman rendition.
-Oh yeah, and nobody gets extra points for sounding like Gilbert Gottfried. He's funny, but we can't take that voice just any old day.
