7 alternate drinks for the Brewers’ “New Brew” contest
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For an organization named after those who produce an alcoholic beverage, and who plays its home games in a stadium named after a behemoth brewery in America’s most unabashedly intoxicated region, the topic of beer comes up surprisingly seldom in association with the Milwaukee Brewers. But the Brewers and Leinenkugel’s recent “New Brew” promotion has taken a step to remove the fourth wall between fans of a beer-based franchise and the libation itself.
Through Tuesday this week, fans were given the chance to “pick a New Brew” that will flow through the Miller Park tap lines this season. More accurately, fans were choosing one of three uninspired names for a new Leinie’s ale: Brew Crew Brew, Bernie’s Barrelman Ale, and Brewers All-Star Ale. (Bernie’s Barrelman Ale won.) The beer is described to be “brewed with pale and roasted caramel malts along with cascade, fuggles, and tettnang hops,” and it’s easy-going for those who swear by Miller Lite and Summer Shandy as their go-to game day brews.
While we’re not about to speak ill of the creation of a new beer, The A.V. Club does think that more could’ve been done to allow fans to select a new brew than forcing them to choose between a trio of pre-selected names for an uninspired ale. At a time when craft brewing and wineries are growing exponentially, store shelves are rife with sugary hooch, and folks from all walks of life are proudly anointing themselves “beer snobs,” there’s a world of possibilities for New Brews to keep Miller Park’s whistle wet for seasons to come. Here are just some of the infinite ideas.
Ryan Braun’s Sample Spirit
With a garish T-shirt line and two (soon to be three!) restaurants to his name, it’s no secret that Milwaukee’s should-be two-time NL MVP slugger has an entrepreneurial flare. Braunie should latch his star to a potent, easily “bomb”-able—in his Limelite energy drink, of course—liquor in the vein of a Jägermeister or Goldschläger. As a slap in the face to his growing army of haters, “Ryan Braun’s Sample” could be a 100-proof blend of loganberry and acai-infused energy-schnapps, expired Budweiser Black Crown, and (allegedly) other controversial and difficult to-place-ingredients that will give your night an extra edge. Best served chilled in a FedEx courier’s home refrigerator over the weekend.
Previously underrated Brewers outfielder Carlos Gomez is finally getting his just due. With Nyjer Morgan taking his multiple personalities to Japan, center field now belongs exclusively to the defensive demigod for the first time since he arrived in a trade for J.J. Hardy. After inking a team-friendly contract extension this winter, Gomez has made good on Milwaukee’s faith in him by adding consistent offense to his base-stealing, homer-robbing arsenal. Since he’s not a fan favorite and will likely stick around through 2016, it’s only natural that a libation be created in Gomez’s honor. Enter “Go-Go Juice,” a caffeinated horchata that blends espresso with popular Pewaukee-based RumChata. Ladies will love it. Guys will put it in their cup of morning coffee… instead of coffee.
Yount’s Hard Robinade
Since the greatest Brewer of all time has already entered the lemonade game with his “100% natural, 100% rockin’” (and 12 percent juice) Robinade, why not take one last step to harden up the Hall Of Famer’s synthetic lemonade and limeade. Adding 6 percent alcohol to the already percentage-packed recipe wouldn’t upset many Wisconsinites.
Sticking with the whole Milwaukee legend motif, it’d only be fitting for there to be a drink named after the iconic voice of the Brewers (and baseball, really) for fans to enjoy long after the hilarious color-man goes to that big broadcast booth in the sky—hopefully 200 years from now. Uecker Bräu would be inspired by Ueck’s beloved Harry Doyle character from Major League and, we think, reality. Basically, it’d just be straight bourbon concealed in a Miller Lite aluminum pint can.
With the possible exception of Yuniesky Betancourt’s shocking serviceability, there hasn’t been a better Brewers story line this year than Jean Segura. In his first full season in the Majors, the stocky shortstop has made some incredible plays in the field and added some unexpected offensive pop to boot. The 5’10” (listed… he’s 5’7” tops) future star should be honored with a Miller Park-only microbrew, Segura Stout.
Between losing his closing gig in a flurry of early April home runs and walks and getting destroyed by trolls on Twitter, Brewers reliever John Axford has endured a tough season so far. Yet, the hurler can still hit the high 90s and is working his way back to his once-dominant form one clean middle relief inning at a time. Few things can help restore an embattled pitcher’s reputation than creating an intoxicant. To match the film buff and master’s degree recipient’s refinement, Ax-Man Sangria could blend Cedarburg wine, Wollersheim Wisconsin brandy, and fresh fruit for a sweet, refreshing concoction with, at times, a harsh and unpredictable finish.
Gorman Thomas’ Magic Elixir
All the booze listed above mixed together in a punch bowl and served with a barbeque sandwich garnish. It could be served exclusively at Gorman’s Corner in right field or be personally delivered to your bathroom stall to save a few minutes.