Talkin' Baseball A case against Brewers making the All-Star game

With the All-Star break on the horizon, it’s safe to say the Brewers have hardly played an All-Star-level season thus far. Despite the team’s overall struggles, the familiar organizational push to “Vote Brewers” came early and often until fan voting came to an end at 10:59 p.m. last night. And even though Ryan Braun, Corey Hart, Yovani Gallardo, and Casey McGehee arguably managed All Star-worthy numbers, this Brewers fan doesn’t care whether you voted Brewers on your All-Star ballots—in fact, I kind of hope you didn’t. Here’s why.

The All-Star Game is a boring waste of time
Remember that time in the All-Star Game when Randy Johnson threw over John Kruk and Larry Walker’s heads, and then Walker engaged in some helmet-turning hijinks? You should—not because it funny, but because that was the last time anything memorable happened in an All-Star Game. That was 1993. Actually, the tie in the 2002 game, which took place in Milwaukee, was pretty memorable too. Memorably awful.

C’mon, we all know the mid-summer classic is just an excuse for millionaire athletes to goof off and half-ass a meaningless baseball game while Major League Baseball makes a killing on tickets, concessions, and replica jersey sales. It’s like an infomercial having three-way sex with a ’70s variety show and Joe Buck, only way less interesting.  

The only place where All-Star still means something? The wallet
When the viral movement for fans to elect Corey Hart to the 2008 All-Star Game proved successful, the Brew Crew faithful weren’t just sending our homegrown product to New York for some national face time, we were collectively taking money away from the Brewers. It’s safe to assume that when the Southern-fried outfielder went into his arbitration hearing prior to this season, he likely hinged a lot of his case on being an All-Star, which was due in large part to the team stuffing the ballot box. (Hart’s All-Star appearance also led to this unfortunate bit of team-related child abuse.)

Injury is always a possibility
If former Brewers reliever Matt Wise’s salad tong-related injury has taught us nothing else, it’s that anything is possible in the spectrum of players doing harm to themselves. It would be a shame for Milwaukee to bore an All-Star-sized hole in its lineup for the remainder of the season (and even part of next) because Casey McGehee broke his hand after Albert Pujols high-fived him too hard.

A few days off would be nice right now
Somewhere between, “He just didn’t have his good stuff today” and, “This could be Rickie Weeks’ breakout season” in The Big Book of Baseball Clichés, you’ll see, “The season isn’t a race, it’s a marathon.” And while ballplayers haven’t yet resorted to taping their nipples to prevent chaffing, the sentiment does hold some truth. Teams have been known to play weeks without an off day. The Brewers themselves are in the midst of a taxing 20-game gauntlet. So, sure, it’s probably flattering to be recognized, but it’s not like baseball players need help in the ego department. What the Crew does need right now—because we haven’t given up on this team yet—is a few days sleeping in their own beds, some quality time with the wives and kids, and not having to act like they don’t hate Ken Macha.