Blog: Late-'90s music is the worst thing ever, and it's back!

Is there anything worse than music from the late ’90s? Setting aside the unimpeachable classics of this time period—Radiohead's OK Computer, Beck's Odelay, DJ Shadow's Endtroducing, Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, Wilco's Summerteeth, insert your favorite record here—late-’90s music is pretty much the most disreputable pap to ever be forced on the music-buying populace.

Every truly horrible subgenre from the past decade—rap-rock, Creed/Nickelback-style butt-rock, über-simple, overly materialistic hip-hop—has its roots in this period. The late ’90s also spawned the most annoying pop hits in the history of annoying pop hits. It’s hard to believe now, but people willingly subjected themselves to the likes of Los del Rio’s “Macarena,” OMC’s “How Bizarre,” Vengaboys’ “We Like To Party,” and Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”—fucking ad nauseum, back then. No wonder consumers started stealing music online by the end of the decade. Music sounded worthless in the late ’90s, so it was inevitable that it would actually become worthless.

Like everything else that’s soulless and cringe-worthy, late-’90s music has crawled out of its dark hole and wormed back into the spotlight: Meathead pop-rock band Third Eye Blind plays Saturday at The Riverside Theater, and Blink-182 just announced a reunion gig Aug. 4 at Marcus Amphitheater.

It’s tempting to play amateur psychologist here, and theorize that people suddenly want to hear Stephen Jenkins do-do-do-do-de-do-do his way through “Semi-Charmed Life” because it brings us back to a simpler time, when real-life life was so good and carefree that unapologetically moronic escapism like LFO’s immortal “Summer Girls” had to be even more moronic by comparison.

In a way, I can relate to that. As much as I hate late-’90s music—I’m not sure there’s a worse four- or five-year period in past 50 years of pop music—I also sort of love it. It’s the music I associate most with my college years, when I spent almost all of my time working for the university paper in Eau Claire, Wis., and listening to local Top 40 station 100.7 The Zone. Nobody on staff liked The Zone, and yet we could not turn it off. The station's insistence on playing the same 10 god-awful songs over and over mirrored our existence, where every week seemed like an endless loop of Wednesday and Sunday night deadlines. Good music would have seemed incongruous with the atmosphere of the newsroom. And, inevitably, the music worked its way into my system.

The net result is my strange love of terrible late-'90s radio hits. I do not automatically change stations when Sugar Ray’s “Fly” comes on the radio. I honestly think The New Radicals deserve a second chance. And yes, I’m very embarrassed about this. Downloading kiddie porn pictures on your computer will land you in jail, and yet it’s only slightly less shameful ordering up Primitive Radio Gods’ "Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand" on iTunes.

But wait, it gets worse. Here’s my top five list of disreputable ’90s hits that I inexplicably enjoy. Judge me if you must, or list your own guilty pleasures in the comments section.

5. Marcy Playground, “Sex And Candy”

Shame on me: Boy, it sure was cool to sound bored back then. But did we really want bands to be boring?
In my defense: It’s hard to argue against a song named after the two greatest things ever. 

4. Filter, “Take A Picture”

Shame on me: Has any genre aged worse than early ’90s grunge? How about late-’90s fake grunge?
In my defense: “Take A Picture” has a freaking soaring chorus that kind of sounds like Arcade Fire. No, I'm not joking.

3. Blink-182, “Dammit”

Shame on me: You know how every punk rock singer tries to sound like he’s 13? This song has a lot to do with that impression.
In my defense: “Dammit” is a surprisingly heartfelt variation on an old pop-song theme: Is she really going out with him? Get past all the smirking and “Dammit” is almost melancholy.  

2. Backstreet Boys, “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)”

Shame on me: Backstreet Boys were ubiquitous in the late ’90s, so starting off a song with “Oh my god, we’re back again” was practically a taunt.
In my defense: At least they've lived up to their words—a new Backstreet album is currently in the works.

1. Smash Mouth, “Walkin' On The Sun”

Shame on me: Shrek’s favorite band? Really?
In my defense: The retro-cheesy ’60s keyboard riff is still pretty infectious. And at least it’s not “All Star.” And, well, okay, I give up.