Blog Charlie Sykes’ “get off my lawn” complaints make him a “skilled social physician,” apparently

Late last year, in a fit of misplaced anger or drunken self-loathing (probably both), I started following Charlie Sykes on Twitter. The ubiquitous conservative talk show host had fallen off my radar, mainly because the current political climate in Wisconsin has turned Sykes’ harmless pissing and moanings into ugly pissings and moanings. And when you’re busy writing stories about embarrassed police chiefs and sketchy ghost hunters, there’s simply not enough time in the day to ironically pay attention to someone.

But, like The Monkees once said, that was then and this is now. The first thing you need to know about my Sykes-following adventures is that the dude loves to tweet. Oh, does he. I would hazard a guess that at any given time, nearly 50 percent of my Twitter feed is taken up with Sykes’ constant tweets, retweets, and retweets of retweets. Whether he’s sticking it to elitist “libs” or railing against that evil Socialist Newt Gingrich (no joke), the host of Sunday Insight (or Incite, if you’re nasty) has taken to social media like a pimply teen to dry humping. You’re welcome.

But there’s more to the man than just his ability to grunt and click “send.” Sykes, as you may or may not know, is a published author, with six—six!—books to his name already. The titles are pretty much what you would expect: A Nation Of Victims, Dumbing Down Our Kids, The End Of Privacy, 50 Rules Kids Won’t Learn In School, etc. Best of all, he pulls a Ricky/Rick Schroder and uses “Charles J. Sykes” as his pen name for these heady tomes.

I know what you’re thinking: 50 Rules came out way back in 2007! What has Sykes done for us lately? I’m glad you asked. The pundit has been busy pimping his newest book, the charmingly titled A Nation Of Moochers: America’s Addiction To Getting Something For Nothing. In it, Sykes provides a handy checklist to find out if you might be a “moocher.” (Move over, Jeff Foxworthy!) Here are just a few examples:

• Are you over 21 and living at your mother’s house?

• Have taxpayers bought you breakfast, a car, or a house in the last few years? (Please include tax credits for clunkers, electric cars, and new home purchases.)

• Do you routinely get something for nothing?

• Are you an able-bodied, childless adult, who spends his/her day playing Guitar Hero, watching The View, or surfing the net while your spouse works to support you?

If you answered yes to any of the above, the chances are quite good that you are a citizen of moocher nation.

Ha? What’s better than this list of sub-“You might be a redneck” zingers? The praise that Moochers has already received, that’s what. Here’s a glowing blurb from Roger Kimball, author of—ugh—Tenured Radicals: How Politics Has Corrupted Our Higher Education:

“Charlie Sykes has hit another home run. The author of Profscam and A Nation Of Victims takes aim at America’s growing culture of entitlement and delivers a fusillade as hilarious as it is sobering. Sykes shows in devastating detail how we have slipped from being a nation of independent men and women to being a nation of moochers, happy to feed on the labors of others. A Nation Of Moochers is partly the report of a cultural pathologist, partly the tough-love prescription of a skilled social physician. Sykes outlines the nature and depth of our malady and expertly lays out the recovery plan. Buy it. Read it. Everyone not part of the welfare-industrial complex will be glad you did.”

Yes, calling out folks who play video games instead of working (no one plays Guitar Hero anymore), and who use “cash-for-clunkers” programs qualifies Sykes as a “skilled social physician.” Then again, Kimball seems like a custom-built blurb machine, kind of like how every shitty horror novel in the ’80s and ’90s had a “It kept me up all night!” quote from Stephen King.

Oh well. Moochers is set for a Jan. 17 release, though you can order a copy now. Buy it. Read it. And please retweet!