Local Newswire Congratulations, Wisconsin! You can now buy booze at 6 a.m.

When Gov. Scott Walker declared Wisconsin “open for business,” he apparently meant “open for business two hours earlier, for folks who desperately need a drink at the ass crack of dawn.” According to WISN, the embattled guv signed a bill yesterday that allows grocery and liquor stores to begin selling booze at 6 a.m., as opposed to the ungodly late hour of 8 a.m. The important, job-creating bill passed through the legislature with bipartisan support, and was no doubt cheered on by thousands of third-shift factory workers who wouldn’t mind Teen Wolfing a beer to finish off their workdays.

Sadly, the bill doesn’t change the draconian “no booze past 9 p.m.” rule for liquor stores, which has long put Wisconsin behind more permissive Midwestern states like Ohio, Minnesota, and mitten-obsessed Michigan. Until the bright, glorious day when we can finally buy a takeout sixer at bar-time arrives, we’ll have to settle for getting shitty in the parking lot of a Piggly Wiggly at 6 in the morning.