Corey Hart goes well with Mountain Creek, and 17 other appropriate Brewers/beer combinations
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Ken Macha is still on the hot seat. A dependable closer has yet to be fully established. Oh, and the Brewers still lurk in the bottom half of the standings in baseball’s largest (and presently worst) division. Anybody else need a drink? Look, we don’t feel like rehashing the Brewers' myriad troubles any more than you do. Just thinking about this team these days makes us thirsty for mind-altering substances. But since we like to keep our drinking interesting (and vaguely related to sports), we’re not just drinking anything on game day. Instead, The A.V. Club has paired up Brewers players with corresponding beers. We know this might sound weird and obscenely expensive, but we think our handy Brewers/brew system will make sense once you wrap your head around it.
Prince Fielder/Red Stripe: Short and stubby, and the price keeps going up.
Ryan Braun/Magic Hat #9: A great product in ugly clothing.
Corey Hart/Mountain Creek: As soon as you see it, you know a really shitty contemporary country song will soon be penetrating your eardrums.
Craig Counsell/Spotted Cow: Locally based and with small batches of output, the Brewers utility man and the New Glarus flagship brew are both beloved in Wisconsin and scarcely recognized anywhere else.
Jeff Suppan/Peroni: Overhyped, overpriced and, when you get down to it, just not very good.
Doug Davis/Heineken: Middle of the road, pricey, and kind of skunky.
Gregg Zaun/Molson Ice: Canadian, past its prime, and best appreciated ironically.
Alcides Escobar/Blatz: Not the most attractive option, but it gets the job done on the cheap.
Dave Bush/Busch Light: Before this season, Bush might have been better paired with Budweiser with his classic look, absence of frills, and being an all-around decent third or fourth option. But Busch Light now seems like a better fit for the unsavory and watered-down version of Bush, whose ERA tops 5.00 this season.
Yovani Gallardo/Negra Modelo: A Mexico native exhibiting undeniable quality, it’s a household name many Brewers fans have trouble pronouncing correctly.
Casey McGehee/Point Special: Unglamorous, unheralded, and surprisingly good.
Todd Coffey/Lakefront Fuel Cafe: A stout, full-bodied relief option that’s more popular in Milwaukee than anywhere else.
Rickie Weeks/Four Loko Alcoholic Energy Drink: Loaded with caffeine, taurine, ginseng and 12 percent alcohol by volume, this off-brand malt beverage has lots of potential, but is never quite as good as people expect it to be.
Chris Narveson/Central Waters Mudpuppy Porter: You had no clue what it was six months ago, but now you’d take a pitcher without hesitation.
Joe Inglett/Guinness: Always a solid choice, but better in small doses.
Jim Edmonds/Pabst Blue Ribbon: It’s been around forever, and it costs nearly nothing in Milwaukee.
Carlos Gomez/Hamm’s: Originated in Minnesota and, at times, is difficult to stomach. Ideal for singles.
Trevor Hoffman/Mike’s Hard Lemonade: It seemed a lot better back in the late ’90s.