Talkin' Baseball Counting Crows and bloody scissors: The A.V. Club’s guide to future 2011 Brewers memorabilia

There’s still a lot of work to be done before the 2011 Milwaukee Brewers squad is dubbed the best in club history, but there’s no refuting that the team is already one of the most memorable. As the Crew’s win total and division lead increases, so do the number of shameless memorabilia nerds around Miller Park hoping to make a profit off a 2011 Brewers keepsake, or own a small part of this uncharacteristically incredible Brewers team.

With the Brewers memorabilia market still cluttered with relics from the last accomplished and charismatic team, the ’82 Brewers, it’s a safe bet that almost anything that an ’11 Brewer touches, signs, or allows his brother-in-law to open with the use of his nickname will be valuable to collectors. And while The A.V. Club isn’t the best source for grading, pricing, and authentication of conventional collectibles, we can make a few suggestions of offbeat Brewers items that would make prized mantelpieces.

Mark Kotsay’s Counting Crows August And Everything After cassette
Midway through the season, out-of-touch outfielder Mark Kotsay finally came to terms with Counting Crows’ 1993 breakout hit “Mr. Jones” not being quite as cool as it was when things like Wings, hyper-colored T-shirts, and Mark Kotsay were all the rage. Probably goaded by teammates, the grizzled veteran reluctantly ditched the outdated walk-up song in favor of an older, yet much better cut by The Outfield, “Your Love.” If you do indeed seek out a worn-out Counting Crows cassette, this treasure could probably be yours for the paltry sum of, well, we don’t know. How much was the last ironically purchased tape you bought at Goodwill?

Shaun Marcum’s cap
While a dingy, sweat- and mud-covered lid wouldn’t catch a second glance—let a alone a purchase!—at your local St. Vincent de Paul, the strange world of athletic treasures is one built largely on scarcity. And things don’t get any scarcer than a Shaun Marcum game-worn Brewers cap. Save for July 4 and throwback gear, the club’s great new hurler has set but one cap on his melon this season. If you’re fortunate enough to happen upon the cap, it’s well worth the price, and the scabies.

Chris Narveson’s glove-repair scissors
Able to tear an eight-stitch-worthy gash in Chris Narveson’s thumb, the now-infamous glove-repair scissors are as sharp to the touch as they are detrimental to Milwaukee’s pitching staff. Beyond their thumb-slicing and disabled-listing abilities, they can also repair baseball gloves, and—if NarvDog’s DNA is still present—be used to clone a No. 5 pitcher in the future. The scissors would also make a great companion piece with other Brewers injury-causing items, such as the salad fork that wreaked havoc on Matt Wise, or the cholesterol that ravaged the once-supple physique of Ruben Quevedo.

Craig Counsell’s 0-45 bat
Craig Counsell is beloved in Milwaukee for his Whitefish Bay upbringing, his role on two World Series teams, his goofy batting stance (though much less now than before), and experienced clubhouse presence. However, the pint-sized utility infielder’s big-league viability was called into question a few weeks ago when he was in the midst of a club-record 0-45 slump. Though the epic slump was a real dick shrinker, the bat or bats used during the historic hitless streak could probably fetch a pretty penny. If not, there’s little or no game use evident, so it’s like owning a brand new Craig Counsell bat!

Chocolates, flowers, teddy bears, mix tapes, and additional gifts given to Randy Wolf by Jonathan Lucroy
Though Jonathan Lucroy probably doesn’t mind a few days off after spending more than 100 games behind the plate in his first full season in the bigs, it has to sting that almost all those off days have come when Randy Wolf was on the mound. The battery alignment hasn’t hurt Wolf (who currently owns the best ERA among Brewers starters), but Lucroy must be left wondering whether Randy hates him, and, if so, why. It can be assumed Wolf’s locker is bursting with untouched gestures made by Lucroy in hope of gaining another chance. It isn’t nougat you’ll taste—it’s a young man’s rejection.

Pre-August Yuniesky Betancourt
Unlike Kotsay’s August And Everything After, August and (hopefully) the months to follow have found Yuniesky Betancourt’s value rising astronomically. (From none to some.) The pre-August Betancourt of fielding errors and first-pitch pop-ups showed himself to be all but worthless at the season’s outset, but if you’re lucky enough to find any Yunie B. items from that era, it’s like snagging a Brett Favre Falcons rookie card, or Steve Young Buccaneers jersey. Well, much worse, but you get the idea.

Transcripts and videos of Nyjer Morgan post-game interviews
Priceless.