News Net Cruel and vengeful God chuckles softly to self, announces first Summerfest headliner

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked over the weekend. Here are some things to think about as the workweek begins.

• As if to cruelly remind the ant-like peons scurrying across the frozen Midwest that summer is approximately 8,000 years away, a vengeful and chuckling God announced the first Marcus Amphitheater headliner for Summerfest 2013 earlier today. God, in the guise of an equally cruel Summerfest official, saw it fit to taunt his dutiful followers with a concert announcement more than seven months in advance of the actual concert, perhaps channeling the impish arrogance of that Sumerian “prankster god” in that one Patton Oswalt joke. (“Don’t forget to kill the goat next year!”) Of course, the majority of those seven months will be fraught with frigid temperatures, seasonal affective disorders, and sitting in your car for 20 minutes while you wait for the damn thing to warm up. Summer will never return, and, as Billy from Predator has been known to remind us, we’re all gonna die. 

Oh, the actual announcement is some country guy we’ve never heard of, Jason Aldean, who headlines the amphitheater June 29.

• All is not lost in the war against Christmas winter: The Business Journal is reporting that two Milwaukee radio stations known for flipping to nothing but Christmas music in the months leading up to the holiday have yet to do so for 2012. WRIT-FM (95.7) and WMYX-FM (99.1) are expected to make the change later this month; until then, listeners can continue to enjoy the soothing, non-holiday sounds of John Mellencamp and Tom Petty.

• Milwaukee Magazine caught up with filmmaker and Milwaukee native Jack Turner, who is overseeing a series of Milwaukee-themed “Dear MKE” videos for Milwaukee tourism organization VISIT Milwaukee. The short Milwaukee documentaries are meant to remind Milwaukeeans that Milwaukee is a great place to live, work, and talk about Milwaukee. Milwaukee.

• WMSE profiled DJ Jason Wietlispach, who hosts the station’s excellent Modern Chamber show Sundays from 3 – 6 p.m.

• The Shepherd Express talked to the members of the loud and yelp-y Heavy Hand, who released the excellent Confusion Is Body Parts over the weekend.

• Nearly 100 area salons will take part in a fundraiser this Tuesday to support the victims of October’s shooting at Azana Spa & Salon. The Journal Sentinel has more details.

• This week’s recommended shows: Maserati at Stonefly Nov. 12; Menahan Street Band at Mad Planet Nov. 15; Lisa Gatewood at UWM Nov. 15; Jon Mueller/Death Blues (No Time Like The Present) at Pitman Theatre Nov. 16-17; Old Crow Medicine Show at Riverside Theater Nov. 17; Sims at Mad Planet Nov. 17; Stephen Lynch at Turner Hall Nov. 18.

Jon Mueller: DEATH BLUES from rhythmplex on Vimeo.