News Net Federal government lunch ladies know how youse kids like ’em sloppy, low in calories

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked throughout the week.

• Since time immemorial, high school cafeterias have been pimply microcosms of everything that makes America great: the promise of youth; byzantine class and power struggles; and unhealthy, semi-edible food. Thankfully, the USDA has been striving to eliminate at least one of those qualities with its recently retooled National School Lunch Program guidelines. The new guidelines call for healthier hot lunches with more whole grains, more fruits and vegetables, and smaller portions. This low-calorie revolution isn’t sitting well with the students of Mukowonago High School, however—the Journal Sentinel and FOX6 report that the growing boys and girls of MHS are boycotting the school’s hot lunch program. These kids are hungry, dammit!

The 850-calorie, one-size-fits-all hot lunches are especially unpopular with student athletes, says the JS. FOX6, meanwhile, quotes Food Service Supervisor Pam Harris on one of the program’s most nefarious requirements: less garlic bread.

“The portion of garlic bread was cut in half, or a little less than half, and that’s such a popular item that it was really noticeable. I think it really pushed some of our kids over the edge,” Harris said.

As you might expect, the JS comments section is awash with the usual “nanny state” complaints from the site’s erudite “Eat free or die!” readers. Browse if you dare.

• Following yet another round of buyout offers, the Journal Sentinel has eliminated columnists Eugene Kane and Laurel Walker. Kane’s “Raising Kane” column dealing with African-American issues has long been one of the paper’s bright spots, and a target for folks who loudly wonder why he always has to bring up race in a column devoted largely to race. According to the Business Journal, Kane will remain with the paper as a reporter covering Milwaukee Public Schools. Walker, who has written about Waukesha County issues, will be “happily retiring.”

• 88Nine Radio Milwaukee has a video of the winning project that will represent Milwaukee in Michael Bloomberg’s “Mayors Challenge.”

• So long, Roots; hello, something else. The Journal Sentinel reports that Iron Horse owner Tim Dixon will bring a new restaurant to the space by the end of October.

• Milwaukee Magazine editor Cristina Daglas chatted with Milwaukee’s Daniel Holter, who creates music for TV and movie music libraries.

• Evan Rytlewski of the Shepherd Express took a look at the new, 8-bit-tastic video for Lorn’s “Weigh Me Down.”