First Impression: Horny Goat Hideaway
The Horny Goat Hideaway (2011 S. First St., 414-482-4628) is hardly a new business; the brewpub and restaurant has been operating on the outskirts of Bay View since October. But the expansive patio along the Kinnickinnic River—supposedly the city’s largest—just opened this spring after the owners spent months and (we’re guessing) tens of thousands of dollars getting it ready. The new patio will be celebrated with a special “grand opening” party this weekend, but because we’re impatient with surprises, The A.V. Club swung by the Horny Goat Hideaway in advance of the soiree to see if the patio was worth the wait.
The space: We can’t confirm if this is really Milwaukee’s largest outdoor patio, and we’re not about to make the rounds to every bar and restaurant with measuring tape to find out. But the Hideaway’s patio certainly looks big, and it’s easy on the eyes, too: Whether you’re perched at the 50-seat bar or at one of the dozens of tables situated on the boardwalk, the view of the KK River on a sunny day is worth the price of admission. To the left of the bar is a sizeable volleyball court that was thick with well-toned jock types even on a lazy Saturday afternoon. It's enough to make you forget that you’re basically sitting in the middle of an abandoned industrial park.
The service: How do we put this delicately: The servers at the Hideaway appear to be exclusively young, female, and, cough, gifted in the mammary department. Let’s just say leering college dudes and their bug-eyed middle-aged counterparts won’t be disappointed by the tank-top and hot pants-donning waitresses if they’re drawn in by the Hideaway’s groan-inducing “Horny” element. As for the service, our friendly and, um, top-heavy server breezed over briskly after we were seated, and made sure to distract—er, we mean, check in—every 10 minutes or so.
The A.V. Club’s food: Based on the quality of Horny Goat’s beer—which we’ve found to be generally solid, though not particularly memorable—we didn’t have terribly high expectations for the menu, which is currently undergoing a renovation with a new chef and will be introduced this weekend. But the Hideaway served us one of the better cheeseburgers we’ve had a local bar and grill lately. We like a good medium-rare patty, and unlike a lot of places, the Hideaway actually knows how to leave a little bit of pink without under or overcooking the meat. We also liked our Hopped Up ’N Horny beer—it’s a little mild for a hoppy brew, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing on a hot summer afternoon. There's also a decent-sized specialty drink menu priced in the $6 to $8 range.
The verdict: Regardless of how the new menu turns out, the Horny Goat Hideaway deserves a spot in your outdoor summer drinking spot rotation. Not only is the patio spacious—it has a 300-person capacity—it’s one of the nicest and most scenic hangouts in Bay View.
