Holidazed Funny valentine: 5 unconventional Valentine’s Day activities

Everyone knows Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday, akin to Talk Like A Pirate Day or President’s Day. People in relationships are expected to go out to dinner and spend a lot of money, even if all they really want to do is order Chinese food and watch a Mad Men marathon on Netflix Instant. Single people, meanwhile, have two choices: Sign up for a singles night full of people desperate enough to fill a few hours with the delusion that someone is out there, or hit up an anti-Valentine’s event full of people bitter enough to only secretly want to fill a few hours with the delusion that someone is out there. The A.V. Club offers these suggestions for alternate events to stave off the darkness this weekend.

FRIDAY, FEB. 10

Nerds@Heart at Karma Bar & Grill
The event: A night of board games, trivia, and cheesy love songs that appeal to the Tolkien fan, the Browncoat, and the master of ’80s power ballads.
Better than a date night because: It’s technically a singles event, though someone is just as likely to give up contact info in order to play their 7th-level cleric.
Better than a singles event because: You can find plenty of prizes and free booze, even if you don’t find someone to argue about which Doctor is best.
Emergency pick-up line: “Wanna go to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters? How ’bout dinner, too?”

The Milwaukee Muskie Expo at Wisconsin State Fair Park
The event: A $10 fee at the original all-muskie show gives you access to equipment, boats, and resort vendors for all your upcoming fishing needs. Being in caps makes it better.
Better than a date night because: The organizers “like to welcome all new beginners to this great sport of muskie fishing along with experience [sic] ones.” Nothing builds a stronger relationship than a new hobby started together.
Better than a singles event because: Booking some time at a fishing resort when the weather is better takes the pressure off being single this weekend.
Emergency pick-up line: “Wow, look at the size of that rod!”

SATURDAY, FEB. 11

Brew City Bombshells at Times Cinema
The event: A benefit burlesque show for the MADACC, which houses 13,000 stray animals annually. Also, tits.
Better than a date night because: Burlesque shows are more than just boobs, and less awkward than “Couples Night” at the local strip club.
Better than a singles event because: Nudity is guaranteed at some point in the evening. Plus, there’s an excellent mix of gay, straight, and lesbian audience members to choose from.
Emergency pick-up line: “I think I used to work with her...”

We Are Milwaukee at MATC
The event: “A coalition of community-based organizations, labor unions, student groups, faith leaders, and community activists from the Milwaukee area” getting together to talk shop and scarf down some coffee and sandwiches for a $10 donation.
Better than a date night because: Sharing the same political convictions is a good sign he or she is The One. Fighting over political differences, however, is a good prelude to angry sex, which is far better than Valentine’s Day sex.
Better than a singles event because: A room full of passionate, youthful people bodes well for a love born of the pending revolution. Besides, Valentine’s Day is just another tool of the corporations, man.
Emergency pick-up line: “Let me get your number so we can sign up to canvass for the recall together.”

Southeastern Wisconsin Plunge at The Brat Stop (Kenosha)
The event: A Polar Bear Plunge-style event to benefit Special Olympics of Wisconsin. $5 grants the same access to the after-party being thrown for those poor bastards coming out of the lake.
Better than a date night because: Getting dressed up to go jump in a freezing lake for charity is way more noble that getting dressed up to eat fondue at The Melting Pot.
Better than a singles event because: Cold showers are the point of the exercise here, rather than a sad sign of striking out.
Emergency pick-up line: “Can I huddle under your blanket? I left mine in the car.”