Giving the gift of alcohol
Holiday-related ways to disguise your drinking problem
Article Tools
Except for cash jammed into a greeting card, there may be no holiday gift more commonplace than a bottle of liquor. Sure, it's quick and easy, but it also delivers a none-too-subtle message: "I don't know you all that well, but you probably like to drink." So for those time-pressed gift-buyers who aren't looking to totally mail it in, Decider found a few items that put a pretty bow on this trusty but overused liquid standby.
Gun-Shaped Tequila ($79.99)
The struggle of shopping for those extra-special ATF agents on your holiday list is quickly erased by a bottle of tequila shaped like a .45 caliber pistol. No more having to remember if they already have a bulletproof vest in navy blue, or which make of sawed-off shotgun they were pining for.
Message to the recipient: I don't like you much, so here's a semi-clever symbolic hangover bullet for your temple.
Source: americancart.com/tequila_man
Globe Drink-Dispenser ($37.95)
Eastern European cities can be a bitch to remember, what with their alternate spellings and lack of vowels. Not to worry: Geography lessons can actually be fun when accompanied by a shot from a Globe Drink Dispenser. As a bonus, boozy all-nighters make words like "Zhezqazghan" look perfectly phonetic.
Message to the recipient: I know there's a flask in your desk drawer at work, so why not quit the charade and bring the hooch topside?
Source: pensandgifts.net/crygldrdi.html
AlcoHAWK PT500 ($189.99)
The AlcoHAWK PT500's whiz-bang name is no joke—its "PT Core Fuel-cell Sensor Technology" does something or another to greatly improve its BAC test reliability. This is great because if there's one thing that can ruin a party, it's someone trying to impress his friends by showing them how insanely drunk he is, only to blow a tenth or two on the breathalyzer.
Message to the recipient: You drink way, way too much.
Source: breathalyzer.net/alcohawk-pt500.html
414 Bar Master Deluxe ($22.49)
For that special someone who finds a lampshade on the head far too tame, the 414 Bar Master Deluxe is a multi-purpose flask with a digital readout that displays over 1,000 drink recipes, bartending tips and tricks, and even built-in jokes.
Message to the recipient: You cannot be trusted to come up with an awful pun without prompting. Or for that matter, to mix a vodka tonic.
Source: thebarmaster.com
Violin Bottle Case ($39.95)
When making a grand entrance at a party, it's always good to create an air of mystery by arriving with a violin case. Partygoers wonder, whatever could be next? A few bars of Beethoven's Fifth? A Tommy Gun to play shoot-em-up with the empties? No, it's just another bottle of booze! What a kidder.
Message to the recipient: If you insist on wearing that fedora, you might as well make a day of it.
Source: eatgourmet.com/violcarcasfo.html
