Local Newswire Gov. Walker tweets about Noah’s Ark, hilarity ensues

The unsinkable Gov. Scott Walker has never made any bones about his belief in the magic man who lives in the sky and rewards people for being nice. “God’s got a plan for us that, who knows where it might be even beyond just serving as governor of this state,” Walker said back in April, much to the chagrin of folks who thought running Tom Barrett against him in the June recall election was a good idea. But Walker’s faith runs deeper than just some “God’s got a plan” mumbo jumbo: he’s also a true believer in the fable of Noah’s Ark—or, at least he is when the story can be used to take a swing at those meddling Democrats and their damn dog.

Last night, Walker took to his personal Twitter account, @ScottKWalker, to launch this digital dove into the sky:

Imagine if Noah had needed help from the government to build the ark. It might have never been built.

Yes, imagine that. Also, imagine if the Tooth Fairy needed help from OSHA to properly sanitize children’s pillowcases. What a crazy, mixed-up world filled with fictional characters and ridiculous hypothetical situations that illustrate the ineptitude of the federal government it would be!

But we’ll leave the rest of the snarky retorts to the masses, because Walker’s apropos-of-nothing remark (something Twitter thrives on) inspired a barrage of smirk-inducing replies. Here are some of our favorites:

Noah’s Ark would never make it through a GOP vote. A large scale transportation project to protect wildlife, based on climate change.

Imagine if Neil Armstrong needed the government to build a rocket to the moon. It never would have been built.

This so-called “ark” mandate is just another costly part of the taxpayer-funded JehovahCare program. Vote for Baal in November.

The Ark saved five people, out of the entire population of the planet. Was that really a win for the private sector?

.@ScottKWalker might have a point. His administration would have killed Noah’s Ark faster than he killed high speed rail.

Imagine if Scott Walker needed the government for his job, his housing, and his health care.

Imagine if drought-stricken WI farms needed Federal Crop Insurance from the govt to avoid bankruptcy. Oh, wait, right.... #WIark