It’s alright, ma, I’m only crazy

Bob Dylan has spent a good portion of the last 46 years onstage, and in that time he’s had transcendent nights, mediocre nights, and just plain bad nights. There have also been plenty of incredibly weird nights, during which—thanks to booze, drugs, personal problems, God knows what—Bob has left his audience perplexed beyond all reason. In anticipation of the man’s sold-out show tonight at Riverside Theater, Decider has compiled some of Dylan’s most notorious onstage train wrecks.

Where: New York City, 1974
Dylan Era: Boozy Bob
The Weirdness: Having been coerced into playing a Friends Of Chile benefit at Madison Square Garden, Dylan demonstrated his solidarity with the recently ousted Chilean socialist government by getting shitfaced on cheap Beaujolais. His subsequent falling-down-drunk performance set new records for tuneless singing—which, for Dylan, is really saying something. Of course, a similarly wasted Dennis Hopper sitting in on backup vocals didn’t help matters.

Where: Lakeland, Florida, 1976
Dylan Era: About-To-Get-Divorced Bob
The Weirdness: Dylan somehow thought it appropriate to air his marriage’s dirty laundry in front of 10,000 Floridian fans as he transformed the previously tender “If You See Her, Say Hello” into a venomous rant aimed directly at his estranged wife. “Whether she’ll be back someday / of that there is no doubt,” he sings at the song’s conclusion. “And when that moment comes, Lord / give me the strength to keep her out.” Unsurprisingly, within the year Dylan’s union was no more—and Bob’s next tour was unofficially dubbed The Alimony Tour.

Where: Tempe, Arizona, 1980
Dylan Era: Born-Again Bob
The Weirdness: Deep into his three-year fire-and-brimstone fundamentalist phase, Dylan found himself confronted by a hostile crowd of University Of Arizona students. They wanted to hear the hits—but Uncle Bob wouldn’t budge. He played nothing but his brand-new, Jesus-powered material. “If you want rock ’n’ roll, you can go see Kiss and rock ’n’ roll all the way down to the pit!” Dylan snarled from on high. Gene Simmons and Satan were unavailable for comment, but one can only imagine that both parties were pleased.

Where: Pasadena, California, 1982
Dylan Era: Parrothead Bob
The Weirdness: At his ex-lover Joan Baez’s request, Dylan made a 10-minute guest appearance at Peace Sunday, a nuclear disarmament rally at the Rose Bowl. Baez no doubt hoped that they’d duet on one of his great early ’60s protest anthems, but instead, Dylan played the obscure—and wildly inappropriate—Jimmy Buffet chestnut “A Pirate Looks At Forty.” Noticing that Baez doesn’t seem to know the words, Bob helpfully pointed out that he had scrawled them in ballpoint pen on his shirtsleeve.

Where: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1985
Dylan Era: Who-Needs-Rehearsals Bob
The Weirdness: During his grand finale for the continent-spanning charity concert Live Aid, Dylan brought along two of the drunkest Rolling Stones he could find, Keith Richards and Ron Wood. The leathery-skinned trio didn’t bother rehearsing, despite the fact the broadcast was going out to billions of people across the globe. For their opening number, Dylan called “Ballad Of Hollis Brown,” a tune about a starving farmer that Wood was utterly unfamiliar with. “Hollis Brown?” he asked nervously. “Isn’t that a cough syrup?”

Where: New York City, New York 1989
Dylan Era: Yiddish Bob
The Weirdness: Bob showed up unannounced at the annual Chabad Telethon with actor/musician Harry Dean Stanton and singer-songwriter Peter Himmelman in tow. The motley trio said that they were assuming the name Chopped Liver, and Dylan used the opportunity to show off his heretofore unknown skills on the flute and recorder. Meanwhile, Stanton warbled a handful of Yiddish folk songs. The impish look on Dylan’s face suggested that he was having more fun onstage than he’s had in years.

Where: Glasgow, Scotland, 1991
Dylan Era: Hairdresser Bob
The Weirdness: During a lackluster show on his so-called “Never-ending Tour,” Dylan strolled to the drum riser and began squirting an unknown bottled substance into his hair. Afterwards, his guitarist threw away the bottle. The next night, a surreal exchange took place onstage. Dylan: “What happened to my bottle?” Guitarist: “What bottle?” Dylan: “My bottle of Sambuca [an Italian liqueur].” Guitarist: “You gotta be kidding me. You’re putting that shit on your hair?” Dylan: “Didn’t it look good?” For the record, it did not look good.

Where: Newport, Rhode Island, 2002
Dylan Era: Crusty Elder Statesmen Bob
The Weirdness: Making his first Newport Folk Festival appearance since his infamous plugged-in debut in 1965, Dylan felt the need to mark the occasion by wearing a ridiculously fake beard throughout his two-hour set, much to his backing band’s bewilderment. No one thought to ask him why the fake facial hair was necessary—but if well-known Dylan fans the Coen brothers had been in attendance, they might have made a mental note to cast Bob as an extra in an O Brother, Where Art Thou sequel.