Let’s blame the Packers’ loss on the new Miss America, okay?
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That deafening “plop” you may have heard Sunday afternoon wasn’t your imagination—it was just the sound of the Green Bay Packers dropping a green and gold turd on Lambeau Field. The Pack’s playoff loss to the Giants was everything the rest of their season wasn’t: boring, painful, awkward, and impossible to watch. And we thought the Golden Globes—which aired later that night—had a lock on boring and painful.
But hey, let’s forget about that and concentrate on something we actually won: the Miss America pageant? Yes, Miss Wisconsin—a.k.a. 23-year-old Kenosha-native Laura Kaeppeler—was crowned Miss America Saturday night, proving that while our state may lack in passing defense (there we go again!), we certainly make up for it in ranking babes. According to the Journal Sentinel, Kaeppeler’s win was partly due to her unique and surprisingly serious platform. Instead of focusing on the whole “world peace” thing so beloved by Miss America contestants, Kaeppeler discussed the difficulties of growing up while her father served 18 months in federal prison for mail fraud. Heavy stuff, though it should also be noted that she looked nice in a white bikini.
Sadly, even an event that proudly featured an evening gown competition couldn’t remain Packers-free. While introducing herself in Saturday’s pageant, Kaeppeler dropped this bon mot: “If you’re watching, Aaron Rodgers, call me.” So is it safe to say that Kaeppeler and her nationally televised booty-call request can be blamed for Rodgers’ listless performance Sunday afternoon? Yeah, let’s go with that.