Lookin’ for love in online places: The A.V. Club’s guide to Internet dating

On the surface, using a dating service might seem like a desperate move strictly for the romantically inept. And it most certainly is, but at least you're not alone—the online dating industry is expected to rake in $932 million next year. It’s the second most lucrative business on the web (after pornography, of course) and there are hundreds of sites out there. Even old-timey, traditional dating services—the kind where you used to go and record a video for potential lovers to check out—lean on the Web these days for matchmaking. With so many services out there, how can a lonely slob know which to pick? The A.V. Club checked out the dating service options out there, and we kindly break it down so you don’t have to spend another Valentine’s Day alone.

For the commitment-phobe with better things to do: It’s Just Lunch
Lunch is the middle child of daily meals. It’s not the most important meal of the day, like breakfast, and it’s not the most formal, like dinner. Like the name of this dating site says, it’s just lunch—so if you’re not really into finding the time of your life, this might be the way to go. It’s Just Lunch finds your match and makes reservations at a restaurant for you so you don’t have to deal with all those pesky details. Really, it’s impossible to imagine expending less effort finding a potential mate. The questionnaire is equally simple, and focuses mostly on Valentine’s Day gifts—how long should you date before giving one, what you expect to receive—you know, the important stuff that relationships are made of. But do these non-committal luncheons work? According to the success story on its website, the first wedding that resulted from an It’s Just Lunch date happened a mere five months after the company was founded. Now that’s efficient.

For the person who wants to do it with somebody exactly like him or her: Great Expectations
While Great Expectations features special interest dating categories—like “single parents,” “fitness singles,” and “black singles”—its main web page features an example of “mature singles” that looks like a Viagra ad. Great Expectations is no newcomer, either, with more than 30 years in the business, and it really, really wants you to know how safe its service is. One thing Great Expectations offers that the others don’t is the chance for group outings. Are you a widowed, mature Christian who’s into fitness? Wait long enough, and Great Expectations just might organize a ski trip or comedy night for you. Only thing is, do you necessarily want to meet somebody who’s in your boat? Or, worse, spend an evening with a whole bunch of those somebodies? If not, it’s okay, because this dating service does a little bit of everything, including speed dating. Great Expectations runs criminal and credit checks on its singles, too, so at least you’ll know this dude pays his electric bill.

For the scorchin’ hot single who obviously intimidates everybody with his or her beauty: BeautifulPeople.com
Some people are far too attractive for regular dating sites, which is why the elite BeautifulPeople.com exists, “No more filtering through unattractive people on the mainstream sites!” it promises. Of course, you yourself must be a looker to join, and your relative hotness is determined by vote—the other beautiful people decide if you can join. After that, it’s nothing but non-stop hotties. BeautifulPeople.com offers chat groups, e-mail, and loads of (possibly altered) images of sexy, sexy men and women to help you meet that special someone who is just as fetching as yourself. Make sure to keep yourself in shape, though: In January, some 5,000 people got booted off the site for packing on the holiday pounds. According to Robert Hintze, founder of the site, “Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded." We’re guessing the BeautifulPeople.com business concept probably works better than the more accurate moniker, ArrogantAssholes.net.

For the person who values love at $150 per hour: Craigslist
Nothing epitomizes the thrilling and potentially lethal excitement of online dating like Craigslist. There’s no screening, no background check, no rejection based on the condition of your body or a lengthy personality test (like eHarmony.com is known for), and no need to post any factual information about yourself or remain anything but completely anonymous. Clearly, there are advantages to this, especially if you’re looking to hook up behind your current partner’s back (not that we recommend this sort of thing). But there are plenty of disadvantages, too, including the potential for making a date with a serial killer. Still, it doesn’t get easier to find what you’re looking for, especially if what you’re looking for is a self-proclaimed sex addict, or you’re a “sexy woman who wants to be spoiled”, or you just like 58-year-old guys who dig spankings.