Tourist Trap Miller Brewery tour

Like it or not, tourist attractions are part of this city, too. But do they deserve the bad rap they get from grizzled locals?  Decider takes an ongoing, objective look at the cold, hard facts of establishments that largely exist to draw in transients in Tourist Trap. In this edition, Moon Handbooks: Wisconsin is taken to task on the Miller Brewery Tour.

Moon Handbooks says:
“This Megacomplex simply must be seen to be believed. Moreover, it’s a definite point of pride for Milwaukeeans.”

Decider says:
According to the self-congratulating film/commercial that kicks off the brewery tour, Miller is a point of pride for damn near the entire human race, as the gravel-voiced narrator dramatically boasts that “from the beginning, man has longed for Miller Time.” Mentioned 13 times in roughly 10 minutes, “Miller Time” must be worth beating into the viewer’s subconscious, but what does it mean? While vague on the specifics, “Miller Time” has something to do with picking up chicks in crowded bars. And magical yeast. 

But what of the “unbelievable Megacomplex”? Fans of beer might be interested in seeing the evolution of the product, from fermentation to bottling to shipping, but unfortunately the tour is organized geographically instead of chronologically. After the film, tourists are taken to the bottling plant and packaging area suffused with such a hot, pungent stench of beer that you almost get an olfactory buzz. Then to a storage area the size of five football fields filled with shrink-wrapped towers of beer cases, moving on to the enormous and impressive brewing kettles, and ending at the historic caves where beer was stored before refrigeration was invented. The “ghost” of Frederick Miller—actually a projected image of an actor with an okay German accent—concludes the tour by reminding everyone how awesome Miller beer is. Finally, tourists are herded into the Miller Inn for three free pints of Miller or Miller-partnered products. The samples on tap change, but might include Peroni, Fosters, and Leinenkugels.

Tourist Trap?
If you’re the type of person that would buy one of the Miller “factory worker” shirts available in the gift shop, then this tour is just for you. If you are simply a beer enthusiast, then the minimal focus on how beer is made and major focus on “Miller Time” probably means a micro-brewery tour would be more to your taste. However, the tour is worth it to anyone over 21 for two simple words: free beer.