Perry on Perrys: Fox 6’s Ted Perry ranks history’s greatest Perrys
More Roll Call
- 6 highlights of UWM’s 35th Annual Latin American Film Series
- He’s your man: 4 films featuring the music of Leonard Cohen
- 3 offbeat films you won’t want to miss at UWM Union Theatre this winter
- Urban hermits, twisted testicles, and the 2012 Milwaukee Zine Fest
- The A.V. Club’s guide to Milwaukee fall album releases
Love ’em or hate ’em, you’ve probably noticed that Perrys are dominating today’s headlines at a level matched only by Kardashians. There’s Katy, the first woman to have five No. 1 singles on one album, Teenage Dream. GOP presidential candidate and master debater Rick is a fixture on cable news. Tyler is one of the most powerful people in entertainment. And The Band Perry is topping the country music charts every time out.
But how will history judge them in the pantheon of other great Perrys such as Steve, Joe, and Lee “Scratch”? To answer this, The A.V. Club enlisted the expertise of Milwaukee’s favorite Perry, Fox 6 anchor and all-around class act Ted Perry.
“I’m feeling very Perry proud right now,” Ted tells us. As for the name itself: “In my case, it’s a Welsh derivation. A few years back, I bought a Perry Coat of Arms for my father. Most shields have a lion, or at least a stag, on their emblem. Something sporty or rough. Not us. Perry means ‘dweller of the pear tree,’ so ours is a branch with three pears on it. Badass!”
Not much of a fan of the pop star, Ted (whose dear Irish-Catholic mother is named Katie) automatically eliminated Katy from contention, citing the fact that her last name is actually Hudson. So where do Tyler, Rick, and The Band rank? Ted’s Top 10 Perry’s Of All Time may surprise ... and educate.
10. Faith Hill. “Her real last name is Perry.”
9. The Band Perry. “Note: need to get a concert T-shirt.”
8. Jim Perry. “Game show host who would have been huge were it not for that bastard Wink Martindale.”
7. Matthew Perry. “He’s funny, sue me.”
6. Fred Perry. “Dude owned Wimbledon. Well, he leased it for a while. Good tennis player. Played with wood. I mean a wood racket. He did pretty well off the court, if you catch what I’m serving up.”
5. Luke Perry. “I loved him in Varsity Blues. Wait, what? That was James Van Der Beek? Should have been Luke Perry.”
4. Stephen Perry. “No, not the singer. This Stephen Perry invented the rubber band. You’re welcome.”
3. Oliver Hazard Perry. “The man knew his way around a boat and wasn’t afraid to fight.”
2. Gaylord Perry. “He won the Cy Young in both leagues! With spitballs!”
1. Bob Perry. “Never heard of him? Your loss. He was my dad and the best person I’ve ever known. This ranking is not open for debate.”