Monthly Guide The A.V. Club guide to April

Holidays (Day Off Work Category)
April 8, Easter Sunday
All right, we can never keep this one straight. So Jesus died on the cross, and then rose three days later... as a magic bunny who delivered colored eggs? And now the Catholics are all eating and getting drunk for some reason? Ah, fuck it—you’re just happy today marks the end of your largely unkept vows against liquor, cigarettes, etc. And, for that, you’ll tolerate your in-laws for another three horrible hours. Now, Nana, where’d you hide those eggs? There’d better be a $50 in there!

April 22, Earth Day
There’s a good chance that the only reason you’ll have Earth Day off this year is because it falls on a Sunday. The most environmentally conscious thing many people will do today is throw your beer bottle into the recycle bin. Still, if you are interested in participating in Earth Day, then you might be interested in the many activities at the Urban Ecology Center on Saturday, April 21. Seriously, it should be a fun way to stay environmentally conscious and entertained before returning to your 9-to-5 job of hydro-fracking or some other environmental terror.

Holidays (No Day Off Work Category)
April 1, International Tatting Day
Don’t get too excited about this one. We, too, were tricked by the name of holiday that seems to commemorate that fire-dragon tattoo you’ve been meaning to have inked indelibly on your ass. But, this holiday is actually a celebration of the kind of “tatting” that apparently is a type lace-making craft.

April 30, Hairstyle Appreciation Day/National Honesty Day
This doesn’t even seem fair. When trying to fully embrace and observe both of these lesser-known holidays, then what should you tell your roommate about that new, bright blue, Skrillex-inspired ’do? Our suggestion is to avoid the whole situation all day, or just get a smarter roommate.

All Damn Month
The month of April has a number of designations, most of which are relatively unknown, so we’ve picked a couple that might suggest fun activities for this spring. First off, April’s apparently International Guitar Month, which is a good reason to dig out that old acoustic, visit a local shop, or get out to one of Milwaukee’s many music venues. What this month designation doesn’t warrant is becoming the annoying person at the party, downtown, or at open-mic night. Remember, what sounds to an amateur guitarist like Bon Iver sounds to the rest of us like a jackass who thinks four chords turn him or her into a prophet. The other designation of this month, fittingly kicked off by April Fool’s day, is National Humor Month. Since any attempt to use humor to describe this one would result in some kind of crappy pseudo-meta comedy, we’ll just say it’s a good month to get out to check out the three preliminary rounds for the 2012 Milwaukee Comedy Festival.

Famous Birthdays
April is full of notable birthdays, from distinguished drunks—Alec Baldwin (April 3, 1958), Hugh Hefner (April 9, 1926), Robert Downey Jr. (April 4, 1965)—to child actresses like Abigail Breslin (April 14, 1996), or Elle Fanning and Kristen Stewart (who were born on April 9 in 1998 and 1990, respectively). The month of April provides us the unique opportunity to say forget all those other birthdays in favor of a bizarre category: the top two Hitler-mustache birthdays of April (and/or ever). First up, we kind of feel bad for Charlie Chaplin, the revolutionary silent film actor who would be turning 123 years old on April 16, 2012. Honestly, who could predict your signature ’stache would wind up being forever ruined by someone who became the near-unanimous selection for “absolute worst human in all of history”? That brings us to said human, the one and only Adolf Hitler, who would weirdly also turn 123 this year on April 20. You may know Hitler as the German dictator behind such overlapping atrocities as the Holocaust and World War II, in addition to being the guy who ruined the Chaplin mustache for even the most ironic of urban youngsters.