The State Fair will honor the sanctity of marriage this year with “doggie weddings”
Next to the debt ceiling and the continued employment of Mario Lopez, nothing is more controversial in the United States than gay marriage. Allowing any loving couple to enter into a legally recognized pact may seem like a no-brainer, but there are plenty of folks who don’t quite see it that way. (They usually harp on an all-but-extinct concept called the “sanctity of marriage.”) But for those more open-minded among us, the forward-thinkers at the Wisconsin State Fair are offering a new oddball event to complement their already oddball roster: weddings for your dogs. Who says Wisconsin has lost its progressive spirit?
From August 8 through 11, the fair will finally give your pooches the chance to don tuxes or dresses and say, “I do.” (Or, more likely, “woof.”) Ceremonies will take place at the appropriately named “Companion Animal Activity Area” inside the delightfully named “Poultry And Rabbit Palace.” So while two same-sex humans have to trek all the way to Vermont or New York to get hitched, the only thing two love-struck wiener dogs have to do is waddle on over to West Allis.
So what does a doggie wedding entail, exactly? A whole lot of ridiculous shit, that’s what. In addition to spa treatments, engraved bowls, and a “bouquet of bones,” the nuptials will provide “doggie-maids” and “doggie-men” to give embarrassing reception speeches, and/or sniff themselves. Oh, and the whole thing is Las Vegas-themed, and comes complete with an Elvis impersonator handling the officiating duties. Because when it comes to thumbing your nose in the face of a sacred institution, it’s best to push it as far as you can.
And just like the real deal, a doggie wedding doesn’t exactly come cheap. A 20-minute ceremony will put you back a nasty $250. (Some of that fee will go to the Wisconsin State Fair Park Foundation, as well as a dog rescue organization.) It should also be noted that while the prickly issue of same-sex doggie marriage isn’t explicitly addressed, the official wedding form (.pdf) does refer to a “groom” and a “bride.” Whether or not the committed pooches need to be spayed or neutered is tantalizingly unclear. (Thanks to reader “gelatinouscube” for the heads-up!)