Blog We hope ESPN and Brett Favre are very happy together

Man, that was a difficult football game to watch last night. And not just because Brett Favre led the Minnesota Vikings to a decisive 30-23 win over the Packers that wasn’t nearly as close as the score would indicate. What made it really difficult was all the PDA. We’re not talking about the newfound love between Favre and Vikings fans. We’re talking about how ESPN made sweet, slow love to No. 4 last night.

It’s bad enough seeing our old quarterback in purple, but it was doubly painful because we had to grit our teeth through hours and hours of middle-aged jocks professing their undying lust for the ol’ gunslinger, who can, like, still hit wide open receivers who are nearly 20 yards away. At 40! Can you believe it?! No other professional quarterback could make those throws! And look at those arms! How good would it feel to be wrapped up in those big, strong arms! Maybe if he’s free for a drink after the game we can make that happen!

To be fair, it was impressive that Monday Night Football analysts Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden were able to enunciate so clearly while also suckling on Favre’s testicles. But maybe they could have waited to break out the baby oil and R. Kelly records until after the game. There were kids watching last night, after all.

Bob Wolfley of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel has a handy rundown of some of the more hyperbolic statements made by ESPN’s resident geniuses last night, including this instant classic from noted pillow coolness expert Stuart Scott: "Never in the history of the Earth has a guy who has thrown five career touchdown passes for his current team faced the team for which he threw 442 career touchdown passes.” Yep, that’s brilliant analysis there. Never in the history of the world has a such a brilliant statement been made about a guy who has thrown five career touchdown passes—sorry, eight—facing the team for which he threw 442 career touchdown passes. Hey ESPN, in all seriousness—we hate you now and forever. Amen.