What Kentucky Derby horse names can tell us about the Brewers’ 2012 season so far
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As the countdown to the Kentucky Derby rounds the bend and heads into this weekend, the only real interest in it—aside from fun hats and mint juleps—is the prospect of betting on the outcome. The A.V. Club can’t afford to gamble with our student loan payment money, but that won’t stop us from thinking way too much about funny horse names, which includes finding tenuous connections between Rousing Sermon and the state of the Brewers’ 2012 season. After all, that’s a sport we care about, and we need to find some roundabout way of mentioning Daddy Nose Best.
Daddy Long Legs
After Mat Gamel tore up his knee and made us all feel really bad for him comes the slight encouragement that Travis Ishikawa is around to fill in and that Brooks Conrad—who undoubtedly has his country music at-bat song already picked out—is being called up. But we can’t help but think about how Corey Hart’s gift of height could come in handy for snagging high liners and stretching out off-the-mark throws. Of course, a lot of dudes would have to be hurt before that happens.
Odds Hart plays first: 30:1
What the hell is going on with the bullpen? It’s not like Jose Veras, John Axford, and others haven’t put together some solid innings, but it’s hard to see that through the thick stink lines wafting off the massive turd Francisco Rodriguez has laid so far. A lot of value is placed on clubhouse leadership, but that can’t mean the bullpen has fallen apart without the Bible-thumping presence LaTroy Hawkins, right? Surely someone else can whip up a frothy religious pep talk if that’s what the bullpen needs, because it obviously needs something.
Odds the bullpen has fallen apart because Hawkins left: 50:1
Daddy Nose Best
Jeez, the Brewers really stink right now. But they didn’t exactly tear shit up last April—remember the 0-4 start?—and we all saw how that played out. It’s almost impossible to know what Ron Roenicke is thinking at this point because his chi is so centered that he’s risen to a mental level that would implode most mortal minds. After only one year though, we already trust the zenned-out skipper to smell what’s really cooking and right the ship before the stupid Cardinals win the division.
Odds Roenicke records another winning season: 5:1
Why isn’t Nyjer Morgan being loud and obnoxiously awesome again this season? Is it because he and the Brewers as a whole haven’t done much worth bragging about? Well, find him something to brag about.
Odds Morgan is done talking: 2:1
I’ll Have Another
Applying lessons learned from the Packers about the dangers of feeling entitled to another championship, we’ve accepted that we have to curtail our expectations, even though the Brewers came just two games short of the World Goddamn Series last year. The team doesn’t necessarily have to repeat or build on the success of last year for the season to be fun. That’s what we’ll keep telling ourselves as we pound beers to power through the tough part and hang on for a glimmer of 2011 to pop back up again.
Odds we’ll have another: 1:1