Erotic baker to the stars
A master baker will create anything you want. No really, anything
Erotic Bakery USA
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Aaron ("I never give my last name") owns a chain of bakeries, maintains affiliate bakeries in all 50 states, and promises a one-hour turnaround on most of his products. Practically speaking, this means that a cake shaped like a standard male organ shouldn't be a problem, but an exploding breast and corset creation might take a bit more time. More elaborate work can take even longer, but sometimes you need, say, a 4-foot-tall penis dressed like a superhero—as a cake. For Aaron's enterprise, the Manhattan-based Erotic Bakery USA, that's no problem at all. Decider spoke with the elusive, secretive Aaron (he was very adamant about the name thing) about his entrée into the world of obscene pastry, his philosophy, and all the celebrities he can't name that order his cakes.
Decider: How did you get into the erotic cake business?
Aaron: The truth? I don't know if I want to have this printed. Many years ago, a friend of mine ordered a cake in the shape of a male organ, as a joke. Not from me. We're talking 25-some-odd years ago. He took a Polaroid of the cake and stuck it in my pocket. This was way before digital. And some time later, in one of my stores, somebody must've asked [about an erotic cake]—the story's fading… So I made it and stuck it on my website as a joke, and it caught on. I realized that there was an enterprise there.
D: So your background is in baking?
A: I've been doing it since my father taught me how, since before time. Probably since I was 4 or 5 years old.
D: Is the bakery a family business?
A: It's a—let's just say a 50-state operation. It's in every single state of the country.
D: So how many cakes would you say are made in an average day?
A: Is that important?
D: It would help readers understand.
A: Well, if you multiply by 50 states, could you possibly come up with a number?
D: Not sure.
A: I don't think you can. I'd say over a 1,000 cakes a day would make [the article] sound good.
D: Are there any cakes you're especially proud of?
A: Yeah, we created the Exploding Male Organ. It's in the shape of a male organ, but underneath the head there's a balloon, and it pops when you touch it. There's another invention we came up with, The Big Squirt. We put a tube through the male organ and connect it to a pump, and it squirts water.
D: What can you say about your clientele? Any big names?
A: Let's just say we have customers everywhere from a priest to a rabbi to the heads of states to every single movie star you can possibly think of. As of around two hours ago, a movie shoot in Manhattan—I'm not allowed to say which one—just ordered another one. And around a week ago I got a really nice feather in my cap. I can't tell you who it is, but it's a hot television series, and I can't wait to see my cake on it.
D: Have you ever received a request that you just couldn't handle?
A: There have been a few that were questionable, but I haven't said no.
D: Would you say there's a cake or a style that's most popular?
A: No, there's no such thing. Think about this for a second. How many people are there in New York? Eight million?
D: Something like that.
A: How many people in the United States?
D: Three hundred million, more or less.
A: Okay, I actually didn't know the answer to that. But with that kind of customer base—and I really, truly do have that kind of customer base—could you imagine if I actually had a preferred model? It's impossible. With that diversity, I can just tell you that it depends on the customers' budget, and it depends on the customers' taste, and how much they want to show and how much they don't want to show. But the cool thing is, we would never, ever say no.
An extremely worthwhile gallery of some of Aaron's cakes can be seen at the decidedly not-safe-for-work websites www.eroticbakeryusa.com and www.cakes3.com. The bakery takes orders over the phone, at 1-866-EXOTIC-9.
