A leaden throwback to the mid-'80s renaissance of bad medium-budgeted major-studio sword-and-sorcery films, Kull The Conqueror stars TV heartthrob Kevin Sorbo as a muscle-bound pirate and former slave in a mythical land, who becomes king through a series of mishaps, then marries evil demon-bitch-goddess Tia Carrere. After their marriage, Carrere applies to Sorbo the kiss of death, but apparently it's not that powerful a kiss of death, as Sorbo is only stunned; he then manages to escape her lair, teaming up with saucy slave-girl Karina Lombard and priest Litefoot to overthrow Carrere and her empire of evil. While Kull has been advertised as a campy, tongue-in-cheek romp, for the most part it takes itself awfully seriously, with only a few feeble moments of self-deprecating humor to offset nearly two hours of expository dialogue, cardboard performances, and a series of interminable sword fights featuring interchangeable villains. The actors are reduced to human action figures, with the only noteworthy performance being an amusing cameo by Harvey Fierstein as a duplicitous merchant who crosses paths with Sorbo. However, aside from its timely and important anti-slavery stance, Kull is little more than tedious, forgettable fare that won't make anyone forget Conan The Barbarian, or even Beastmaster 2: Through The Portal Of Time.