Simon Sez

Dennis Rodman may be a great rebounder, but as a pop-culture icon, he's a one-trick pony. Rodman the media whore might flirt with intriguing ideas, but unlike such forebears as Bowie, Madonna, and Ali, there's no real wit, intelligence, or imagination behind his public image—just tacky, pseudo-transgressive outrageousness for its own sake. Still, while he's not particularly charismatic or charming, even Rodman doesn't deserve a starring vehicle as tacky and desperate as Simon Sez. Directed by Kevin Elders (writer of Aces: Iron Eagle III) to match what looks like abundant stock footage from the mid-'80s, Simon Sez follows the adventures of an Interpol agent (Rodman) who gets mixed up in corporate sabotage and the kidnapping of a wealthy heiress. Those who caught Rodman's debut in the inexplicable Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle Double Team won't be surprised that he isn't given much to do here beyond smirk and recite witless one-liners with all the flair of a supermodel reading a TelePrompTer at an awards show. But Elders and company have stacked the deck further by giving him three—three!—comic sidekicks. The most recognizable is John Pinette (the fat guy from the final episode of Seinfeld), but all are given a generous amount of screen time to "improvise" material familiar to visitors of any number of comedy clubs. Despite his near-total lack of presence and talent, Rodman has already snagged a role in the upcoming action thriller Cutaway, starring Emmy winner and Academy Award nominee Tom Berenger. When the time comes, Berenger will own the distinction of being the only thespian in film history to work with Rodman, Casper Van Dien, and Master P.

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