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The Immortals

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The Immortals

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A cast of straight-to-video all-stars (Eric Roberts, Tia Carrere, Chris Rock) teams up in yet another heist-gone-wrong action picture. The plot involves eight criminals united by a criminal mastermind. The twist: They're all dying, so they have nothing to lose. Writer Kevin Bernhardt and director Brian Grant lack even their peers' ambitions to rip off Quentin Tarantino directly; their film instead resembles the work of people who may have once heard someone talking about Reservoir Dogs, and decided to base a film around people pointing guns at each other while spouting philosophical statements that would make an eighth-grader blush. The Immortals would belong entirely to the periodic-hail-of-bullets-as-story-progression school of filmmaking if it didn't throw in moments that suggest it was intended to be a serious film. A depressing appearance by Special Guest Star Tony Curtis only makes a bad movie worse.