5 TV families we’d like to be adopted into
Today marks the weirdly mandated, relatively new, Canadian statutory holiday Family Day (thanks to ex-football player/former Alberta premier Don Getty for inventing it) which, depending on your situation, either means a day to fam jam with your folks (probably while eating beaver tails), or an extra day to nurse your hangover.
Here at The A.V. Club, our family is work. Our stern father is our publishing timetables, our mother’s milk the sweet drip of online traffic. So instead of kicking our heels up, tossing together a few Caesars, and tucking into that Mildred Pierce Blu-Ray box set that’s been collecting dust on the coffee table, we threw together something Family Day-friendly. Because we were basically raised by television, here are five TV families that put the “fun” in “dysfunctional.”
The Simpsons, The Simpsons
Why be a Simpson? Not only has the family travelled the world (23 seasons has taken them to Australia, Japan, outer space, back in time, and, for one regrettable episode, Toronto), but they’re also a family that stays together through the most trying tests—be it permanent tattoos, sheer negligence, or 500 episodes of largely declining quality. Though the show’s earliest episodes showed frequent scenes of child abuse and a marriage tempted by infidelity, the bond between Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, and even Maggie can never be broken, proved most excellently in the surprisingly emotional Simpsons movie. They’ve got a pretty remarkable extended family, too, including on-the-run radical Mona Simpson (a.k.a. Mona Stevens, a.k.a. Martha Stewart, a.k.a. Muddy Mae Suggins) and that guy who shoots birds at the airport.
The Banks, The Fresh Prince Of Bell Air
The wealthy Banks family may have had an upheaval with the addition of their nephew/cousin Will, but the Fresh Prince’s lively presence bonded the cast of characters, for better and for worse. Led by patriarch Philip Banks and his wife, Aunt Viv, Will competed with his cousin Carlton for girls and attention (and schooled him every time), related to the vapid valley girl Hilary, and took care of his younger cousins Ashley and Nicky. Best yet is the sardonic, Oxford-schooled butler Geoffrey, who held a barely concealed disdain for the Banks.
The Bluths, Arrested Development
No one illustrated the principle of “keeping it in the family” better than Michael Bluth. As the only half-sane member of a family of crazies, Michael endured embezzlement, imprisonment, incestuous romance, and the curse of the never-nude in a ceaseless quest to keep the Bluths’ business (including the frozen banana stand), and family ties together. Though Lucille Bluth is one of the most demented matriarchs ever to swill a martini in sitcom history, even she is bested by egocentric magician Gob, adopted socialite Lindsay, inept momma’s boy Buster, and her constantly lying husband, George Sr. Yes, the show was cancelled too soon. No, we can’t wait for the movie to come out. Bring on the inflammatory chicken dances.
The Conners, Roseanne
This sitcom was the first on prime-time television to illustrate the struggles of an authentically working class family. And with a lesbian character to boot. Led by Roseanne (Roseanne Arnold) and Dan (John Goodman) with their children Becky, DJ, and Darlene, Roseanne authentically detailed controversial issues of poverty, alcoholism and domestic abuse, including an arc where Roseanne left her husband after his heart attack. Though the show was bleak for a sitcom—and went off the rails with all the winning-the-lottery, dream sequence stuff—Roseanne Arnold’s amicable wisecracks meant that hilarity often ensued. And remember the episode where DJ got his dad his own claw hammer for his birthday? As the French say, C’est adorable! So save us a seat for dinner during that virtuoso single-take intro, Conners.
Gordon and Fran’s family, The Kids In The Hall
Toronto’s veteran sketcheteers nimbly skewered everything from inter-office politics to human/chicken hybrids. But the kids were often at their best when taking down the traditional nuclear family. Recurring middle-class, middle-aged couple Gordon (Bruce McCulloch) and Fran (Scott Thompson) were a constantly bickering pair, parents to the terminally bleary-eyed teen Brian (David Foley). Where the tightly wound Gordon was a portrait of male potency at the ends of its rope (in one sketch, he lies to his family about getting fired just to prove how dependent on him they are), Fran is the fretting, big-hearted, long-suffering wife who would do anything for her family, even her ungrateful kid. “No parties or drinking,” she tells Brian as she and her husband prepare to leave on vacation. “But if you do get drunk, do it in the basement so you don’t fall down the stairs.” Mother knows best.
