American Idol: "1 Of 7 Voted Off"
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American Idol: "1 Of 7 Voted Off"

Finally, tonight we got the bottom two I’ve been hoping for, only I wish it happened about three or four weeks ago. Ah, well. If Katy Perry’s performance proved anything tonight, it’s that you don’t really need to sing, as long as you have a lot of neat-o flashing lights. 

It was such a straightforward results show I am tempted to fill up some space by talking about other things. Have you read Bossypants? When will it finally be warm? What are you doing for Easter? Oh really? Well I guess we should get to the part I’m here for.

The singers performed in groups again tonight, and I think if the two groups competed, group one would win. Lauren, Stefano, Jacob and Haley (who looked adorable: I wanted to own her entire outfit) sang “Hey Soul Sister,” which is a song I usually find irritating, thanks to being overused in some ad campaign. However, all the singers seemed relaxed and happy, and it was a chipper, charming performance. I deemed it Cute.

Then the leftover guys sang “Viva La Vida,” (this was the best interpretation of it ever), which I think marks the first time on the show since Beatles week where Scotty didn’t sing country-style. Both he and Casey seemed a little bit embarrassed or awkward, but this was all covered up by the supremo-cool move of a Three Musketeers-style triple-five. In terms of the performance and the occasional harmonies, the song was a bit of a mess. Well, at least it was clear they were all actually singing, because it was ridiculous when they used to lip-synch these group numbers.

Back at the couches, Ryan asked Casey to hold up an honestly rather awesome painting a fan had made for him. It featured an upright bass with Casey’s and his dog’s faces painted on it. That’s right, it was a painting of a painting. Have I blown your mind yet? Then Ryan applauded Jacob again for not aborting the song last night despite his earpiece malfunction, which strangely made me miss the days of Brooke White, just because it was so unbelievable that she would do that. Anyway, we then found out that Jacob was also in the bottom three. 

David Cook performed his latest song, “Last Goodbye." Since I am ever-vigilant on the state of his hair, I think the new update is that he got some new stuff up top. However, David helps raise a lot of money for brain cancer research, and it was adorable when he introduced his mom (who resembles Jill Biden) to Steven Tyler, so I always end up thinking Cook is alllll right.

After a clip showing the contestants having fun and doing things (all sorts of things!), Ryan revealed that Stefano and Haley were in the bottom three, but Haley was quickly sent back to safety, so once again, the girls were safe.  

Before the results, Katy Perry sang “E.T.” If you’ve ever heard Katy Perry sing live, it was pretty apparent that she was singing to a track at the very best, but like the Black-Eyed Peas performances, it was more about the spectacle than the “craft.” There were big moving set pieces like an alien throne, and Katy wore a sort of light-up Zuul outfit that I would have worshiped if I were about 9 years old. Then Kanye West made a surprise appearance, looking hyperbolic in a fur vest over a leather jacket indoors. Surprisingly, for a Katy Perry song, it is not stuck in my head as of this writing, so that is the best thing to come out of the performance. 

So it was down to Jacob and Stefano, which turned out to be the end of Stefano’s nine lives. I think he’s been bracing himself for this moment for so long he seemed almost eager to get the ball rolling, asking for the mic to sing his song before his goodbye package. He sang “Lately,” which made me think about how much I won’t miss him on the show. But then James, who was crying, bum-rushed the stage to pick Stefano up in a bear hug, which is more about me liking James than anything else. That guy has had a lot of really endearing moments on the show: His exit tape will be epic. (Unless he wins? Is that possible?) 

Next week the show is fulfilling a dream I’ve had where it’s Carole King week, and I sing “It’s Too Late,” only in this version I hope someone other than me sings it. I think the obvious choice would be Haley so I hope Lauren does it. 

Stray observations:

  • Ryan got in a jab there about Casey’s dog in the painting resembling Randy. It was ruff.

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