America's Next Top Model: "Fierce Eyes"
B

America's Next Top Model: "Fierce Eyes"

B

America's Next Top Model

"Fierce Eyes"

Season 11, Episode 5
B

America's Next Top Model

"Fierce Eyes"

Season 11, Episode 5

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Well, if there's one thing we learned from tonight's extra special double elimination (yea!) of ANTM, it's that you should never piss off Jeremy Scott. He is designer and it's about HIM not YOU (even though actually, yes, it's about you because YOU are a contestant on this show, and he's just a sad runway challenge), and, look, HE just does not appreciate it when you don't take HIS floral print smock dress or hideous sweater-dress with a cartoon print, or crushed velvet gown with a goddamn curtain rod through it seriously, ok? This is a BUSINESS, not some kind of rock show for you, even though actually Jeremy Scott has probably never sold a single item of clothing, and just sits in his studio all day cultivating his personal aesthetic: redneck toy soldier with hints of Rhythm Nation. (He almost has it nailed!)

It was great when Jeremy Scott sniped about poor, stupid Samantha and her runway shimmy, "Did she think there was a pole at the end of the runway?" I mean, obviously not. Samantha may be kind of dense, but even she knew the pole was on McWig's shoulders, not at the end of the catwalk. Someone should tell Tyra (and Jeremy Scott) that "avant garde" doesn't mean "supremely ugly." And someone should also tell both of them that what Samantha did was stupid, yes, but not provocative. I don't think she was trying to be sexy either. She probably just thinks that all models lift their skirts at the end of the runway. It makes dressing up more fun that way! Samantha is a wide-eyed innocent, completely ignorant of the ways of our world: everything is new and exciting and worthy of an "Oh my gosh!" Basically, she's a mannequin, frozen 1000 years ago, who has just been brought to life today. In short: She's Mannequin: On The Move.

But, despite his best bitching, Jeremy Scott thankfully couldn't get Samantha sent home. After the blindfolded runway show, Tyra's eyes (Mr. Jay), ears (Ms. Jay), and hangnail (Anne Shoket) sent home Hannah Alaskah in the surprise elimination, which was a wise choice. Not only did she walk like a robot with rusted knees, but she was playing the wide-eyed innocent thing way too often and too hard. [picking up the heels at the bowling alley] "We got our bowling heels. I didn't even know they made stuff like that!" What? They don't have shoes in Alaskah, Hannah? Or bowling alleys? Or runway diva coach extraordinaires who teach in bowling alleys for TV modeling competitions? Do they have the CW in Alaskah?

Still, I was almost sad to see Hannah go at the half-hour mark, if only because I just figured out who she reminds me of: Millie from Freaks & Geeks. Same voice and everything.


At the actual elimination, the one overseen by all of Tyra (she's 68% ego) not just her parts, it was Isis who was eliminated. Why? Her eyes were deemedmore lazy than smiley. But the real reason was, as Tyra put it, "You're already an inspiration to the gay, transsexual, transgender...community," so therefore the show didn't need Isis anymore. In short, their gimmick had run out of steam. So Isis put on her biggest, face-size hoop earrings and her finest tiara and left, vowing to implement all of the suggestions Tyra gave her (that shouldn't take long), and to keep modeling--hopefully in something better than a Jeremy Scott original.

Grade: B

Stray Observations:

--"You're one of us, Isis." Run, Isis, run. As soon as people start accidentally quoting Freaks as a form of reassurance, you're definitely in the bottom two.

--Clark thinks Isis is too mannish? Ironic, isn't it?

--With his tiny shorts and tank top, Mr. Jay was definitely going for lifeguard, but unfortunately (for everyone involved) he looked more like Richard Simmons in black-and-white.

--Another important thing we learned in this episode? Not only did Tyra invent smiling with her eyes, she also came up with the idea of taking photographs of smiling eyes while in water. See, she and her friend were on vacation, and they were just playing around, taking pictures in the pool. Then, all of a sudden, a celestial muse flitted down from the heavens, landed on Tyra's shoulder, and whispered, "Put half your face in water and take a picture." Thus, ANTM inspiration was born.

--The best part about Tyra's pool inspiration? For her demo photo, she didn't even bother to get in a pool: she just held a glass of water up to her face.

--Nigel in wetsuit? Already?

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