Jersey Shore: "A House Divided"
B

Jersey Shore: "A House Divided"

B

Jersey Shore

"A House Divided"

Season 3, Episode 12
B

Jersey Shore

"A House Divided"

Season 3, Episode 12

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What makes someone a good person? In A.V. Club land, it’s someone who looks out for their friends, is generally honest, and seems to have good head on their shoulders. Basically, if they’ve murdered someone, at least it seems like it was for a good reason.

On the Jersey Shore, however, it’s a totally different thing. Sammi’s a scumbag because she talks to guys. Vinny’s a scumbag because he gets drunk and says weird things to semi-grenades. Deena wears an all denim outfit and that’s, like, totally not fashionable.

Is Mike a good person, though? In Sam’s mind, no, probably not. He’s not a favorite of anyone else in the house, either. But, to you and me? Does he pass the test? I don’t know.

Let’s consider:

  1. Mike is a child in a 40-year-old’s body. In the comments last week, someone mentioned that they thought that Mike might be acting out against Sam because, shock and awe, he’s still mad he didn’t get it in with her in the first season. I agree with this completely because, as any viewers of Jersey Shore know, Mike doesn’t settle, and he’ll never be happy with what he gets. Honestly, he’ll be single the rest of his life, and that’s totally OK. He’ll be the creeper in Ft. Myers, hitting on the 19-year-old girls at the hot dog shack in the golf clubhouse. This doesn’t make him a bad person, but it doesn’t make him a fully-developed one either.
  2. Mike starts drama. Again, this is fine, albeit annoying, except Mike does it just to make Mike look good. Uh-oh, how did the dogs get out? Couldn’t have been Mike. How did Ronnie hear the details on this call with Arvin? Couldn’t have been Mike. How did Mike get stuck in the dressing room? Definitely the boxes, and definitely not because he was sleeping. Nothing is Mike’s fault, and while that’s endearing for a hot second, after that, it’s just slap-worthy.
  3. Mike came up with the whole grenade system. This is old news, but it’s still pretty despicable. How about we just agree to say we’re not into someone, instead of assigning them to a sub-caste for arbitrary reasons tied to personal preference? Fair enough.

All this said, I don’t know. I want to say Mike is a good person because he makes Sunday dinner and he appears to care about these crazy kids, but I don’t know. What do you guys think? Is he defendable in any way, shape or form?

Oh, and speaking of despicable, Ron and Sam. Honestly, I know that I should talk about it, but I don’t even want to. It’s disgusting that Sam can’t have male friends. It’s disgusting that Sam took him back. It’s disgusting that Ron wanted her back. Can we just agree that them being together is, basically, the bane of relationships as we know them and obviously incredibly damaging to our youth? Set an example, you two, won’t you? Self-respect! Think of the children!

Stray Observations:

  • This is a little “deep,” but this is a real question I have: Is there or will there ever be anything real between Snooks and Vin, or is that just something they’ve talked themselves into because they spend so much time together? I tend to believe it’s the latter because, hey, I’ve been there, but… hell. Our grandparents semi-liked each other and made it work, right?
  • Pauly, get over Danielle and be a human being. Your whole statement about there being a ton of bars in Seaside is not actually that true. I actually Googled it. There are a few bars in Seaside, yes, but considering everyone goes out every single night, you’re bound to cross paths at least a couple times a week.
  • Why don’t more randoms make it up to the door of the shore house? Does MTV screen people at the bottom of the steps? Probably, right?
  • That rap battle was yet another reason why Chet Haze shouldn’t even try to rap.
  • Ronnie’s mom’s name is Connie. And she drunk dials. Is that sad or funny? I can’t tell. “I’m so tan I look Indian,” on the other hand, was very funny.
  • Shirt at the Shore Store: “I can kick your baby’s ass.” Classy! (And did you know you can get a license plate hoodie for just $25? What a steal!)

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