Jersey Shore: "Kissing Cousins"
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Jersey Shore: "Kissing Cousins"

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Jersey Shore

"Kissing Cousins"

Season 3, Episode 9
C

Jersey Shore

"Kissing Cousins"

Season 3, Episode 9

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Well, not every episode of Jersey Shore can be a whiz-bang drama fest. That’s one of the dangers of success, I suppose. Since MTV’s added more episodes to each successive season to their big sensation of a show, things are bound to get a little boring.

So, with this being episode nine this go around, it makes sense that we’ve reached catch-all time. Tonight, the crew dealt with Snooki hookups, epic pranks, food comas, toilet problems, clubbing, the Shore Store, Sammi’s home life, Ronnie’s normalish dad, marshmallows, motorcycles, and hurt egos. Nothing really got a great deal of attention, and nothing was that great. There were highlights, sure, like Mike eating massive amounts of dinner with his invisible friends (“You cannot have any of my ravioli, Vinny! You have pink eye!”) and Snooki referring to her hookup’s business as braciole, but more than anything it was par for the course. 

One drama bubbling under was Snooki’s ongoing boner for Vinny. What’s the deal with that? Is it unfinished business because of his watermelon and her pinhole? Does she just think he’s an okay guy? Is it a weird case of best friend loneliness turning into a mistaken crush? Is Vinny feeling it too, but isn’t into it because she brought him Mr. braciole? It’s noble, I suppose, of him to not let it get too far when her hands start a-roaming, but, man, Snooks! Take a hint!

And, of course, as always, there’s Sammi and Ronnie whatever. Ron loves her. He hates her. He wants to only be with her. He can’t be around her. Absolutely it would be horrible to live with—and be constantly drunk with—someone you just broke up with, but can’t they just think of the paycheck and put it aside? I would ask if people could maybe just be adults, but we all know the answer to that is no. MTV won’t even really trust them with grown-up furniture, other than that swoopy couch. (Really, though, there’s no dignified way to sit on a beanbag.)

So, anyway, Sam spends a good two days at home, and now, she’s over Ron and knows what she wants in her life and how she deserves to be treated. Thus, she feels it’s okay to come back, all glasses upped, and Ron can’t handle it. He blends his Ron-Ron juice loudly! He slams the sliding door! We’ll see how this shakes out, I suppose, but I, for one, hope Sam goes against character and doesn’t go back with him. False hopes, I’m sure, but if she could even wait two episodes, let’s say, I’d consider that a partial victory.

So, on to next week and hopefully more drama. Maybe Snooki will get arrested again or something.

Stray observations:

  • At first, I was thinking, “Damn, Mike, seriously? That’s going to be a $200 cab ride at least.” But then I realized he makes $5 million a year or something endorsing weird ab workouts and going to clubs, and then I didn’t feel bad for him anymore, period.
  • “Rivoli’s, Rivoli’s, where you can get cannolis.” But, seriously, I just tried to go on the Rivoli’s website to see if that’s a real song, and it won’t even load for me. Jersey Shore broke Rivoli’s website with their family size portions of publicity.
  • Who knew Pauly hated Miracle Whip? Dealbreaker, really?

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