Can you believe it? Ed Grimley won Project Runway! I didn't even know he was competing. Talk about a dark horse.
But let's rewind a bit, to before Seth Aaron transitioned into Ed Grimley with the help of a bucket of hair wax and won Project Runway: Season 7. Did anyone think that anyone besides Seth Aaron would win this thing? Provided he didn't send 10 over-sized Felix The Cat t-shirts down the runway, he was a lock—and even if he did send 10 over-sized Felix The Cat t-shirts down the runway, the judges would probably just tilt their heads, smile, and say, "That's sooo Seth Aaron!" (Which possibly explains why Raven Symone was invited. She understands when things are sooo [insert name].)
Well, I guess there was one person who didn't recognize the inevitability of Seth Aaron: Project Runway Winner. That person was Emilio. And when Seth Aaron won, that person was pissed. Emilio shuffled over to Seth Aaron, gave him a limp hug, mumbled a mean "Thank you" to the judges, and then went backstage to sob into his custom-made EA Sosa print handkerchief. Poor Emilio. He should have realized that Tim Gunn challengers never prosper.
I don't know if Bangs The Elder realized she didn't have a chance, but it's hard to tell when or if Bangs The Elder feels anything since her voice doesn't register human emotions. The only way you can tell she's sad is if she starts talking about shadows, and looking at the ground, and looking at shadows on the ground—which just so happened to be the inspiration for her collection. Clearly, the abrupt departure of Bangs The Younger wounded her deeply. Bangs The Elder even started brushing her bangs off to the side in a futile attempt to brush, brush, brush aside her hurt feelings over Bangs The Younger. But the feelings could not be swept aside so easily. No, the feelings came out in the clothes, as they always do.
On to the collections! Mila said, "I put my soul in this collection, and I hope it shows." Oh, it did. Evidently Mila's soul is black and white and graphic all over, with just a touch of aubergine here and there. Overall, Mila's collection was slouchy and colorblock-y and very Mila—but there were a few very cool tops, particularly the striped one and the oversized shredded one, and her slinky cocktail dress was surprising in a good way. The best things the judges could say about Bangs The Elder's collection were: the styling really helped, and the leggings were great. Obviously, she was the first designer cut.
Emilio called his collection "Color Me Badd" because hidden somewhere in his signature EA Sosa print are the lyrics to "I Wanna Sex You Up." It's like a fashion easter egg! Emilio did use a lot of color in his collection, and some of those colors were kind of bad, like, say, bright turquoise. You know who wears a bright turquoise coat? Queen Elizabeth. Still, Emilio's coats were something to behold. They even knocked out Faith Hill. Overall, though Emilio's collection looked like a slightly edgier Ann Taylor. It was all very wearable but very boring. He said that he wanted to do classic American sportswear but play with the proportions—but the only look where that proportion-play was evident was the suit with the tiny, metallic, floral micro-mini. That's so Ally McBeal! Once the judges said that Emilio was "thinking more business-wise," he was a goner.
And then there was our winner, Seth Aaron. Surprisingly, I really liked a lot of Seth Aaron's final collection. He made the coolest look of the finale, that red wool dress with the black leather. Of course, he also made the ugliest look of the finale, that purple monstrosity that looked like a broken set of bagpipes. But as a whole, Seth Aaron's collection looked much more expensive and more polished than anything else he'd done all season. It wasn't his usual "a more glamorous Hot Topic" aesthetic. Instead it was a slightly more modern Dita Von Teese—which is obviously pretty fun to watch.
And so this season of Project Runway comes to an end. Was it like the Project Runways of yore? No. But at least it was better than the Season That Shall Not Be Named. Progress! Small progress!
--"You don't have to have the crown to be the king." But King Emilio really, really wants that crown.
--"I look at Emilio's collection, and I'm in a boutique in Harlem. In 1994." Zing, Bangs The Elder!
--Speaking of Bangs The Elder, I'm not sure, but I think she might be the first designer to sling a patent leather bandeau across the outside of a dress.
--"Wherever you played with shine, it really turned me on. There was something nasty about it...but in a good way." See, Mila? This is what happens when you sling shiny bandeaus over everywhere. You arouse the orange libido of Michael Kors.
--All the judges loved Emilio's glitter gown—which means that all the judges must be big Showgirls fans.