The League: “The Breastalyzer”
B+

The League: “The Breastalyzer”

B+

The League

“The Breastalyzer”

Season 4, Episode 4

Thank God that Rafi’s back. If there’s anyone who can bring the filth, it’s him. And he certainly managed to in “The Breastalyzer,” a solidly funny episode that confirms the run The League’s been on. This week’s installment is heavy on the Rafi, light on the Andre, and includes an incestuous kiss, a post-smoking mother, and Jenny stealing Kristin Cavallari’s breast milk. So yeah, the show is definitely back in swinging form.

At issue this week is the clash between Mrs. MacArthur and Jenny. After nine months of abstaining, Jenny’s excited to get her booze on. But Kevin’s mother—who’s not anti-Semitic, Taco swears, it’s just that she doesn’t like kites—doesn’t recognize Jenny’s right to party. In fact, she stops Jenny at the door and has her test her breast milk for alcohol via a paper “breastalyzer” strip. “Do you want your child to get drunk on tit whiskey?” she asks. (Tit Whiskey, by the way, is definitely the name of my new bar band.) Oh, and she renames Ellie “Elizabeth.” Because as we both know, “the child is a disaster.”

Rafi comes in via an inconveniently timed swimming lesson for little Jeffrey. Ruxin hits on the genius notion of passing Rafi off as Jeffrey’s father so that he can enjoy the football game. The only flaw in this plan is that you should never trust Rafi with your child. Rafi somehow believes swimming lessons to be survival training for toddlers. “You won’t have one of these when the Russians show up,” he says as he throws Jeffrey’s shark-shaped floatie out of the pool. But it’s here, in the pool, that Rafi meets his perfect match: a swim teacher with incredibly low self-esteem.

Meanwhile, Taco has found himself accidentally in a relationship because he’s banging his lovely and awesome roommate George. Confused about this, he puts on a dinner party to display his adulthood. George serves up chicken tartare (raw chicken on Cheez Whiz) while Taco goes about the place with a pipe, introducing the fine china (skull-shaped bong.) Andre, in his lone appearance this episode, finds his social security card in the bathroom. To scare off his swim teacher paramour, Rafi makes out with his sister in a really cringe-inducing fashion. And, of course, Jenny endeavors to trick Kevin’s mother by switching out her alcohol-laced breast milk with the flask that she stole from special guest star Kristin Cavallari.

This all would have gone out without a hitch—but what is The League without hitches? Rafi discovers Jenny’s breast pump, and assumes it’s a jerk-off machine. He puts his jar of jizz in with the rest, and soon Kevin’s mother, yes, tests—and tastes—what she soon figures out is not breast milk. There’s nothing like a good League gross-out.

Stray observations:

  • Many thanks to the lovely and talented Molly Eichel for stepping in last week.
  • That was an excellent use of Kristin Cavallari. I really liked how Kevin keeps addressing her by her last name.
  • Taco’s conception of adulthood is oddly touching. As is his mother defending him as he spills his lunch all over the floor.

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