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"And The Winner Is..."
Episode 12
So, not to gloat, but I toooold you so. Whitney won! And, if you don't like it, Whitney will stomp over to your fridge, extensions...
A-
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"Ready For My Close-Up"
Episode 11
"Just pull it up."
[Dominique giggles. Adjusts Dominique's shirt on Dominique slightly. Stares blankly.]
"Uh, no. You've got...
B
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"We Are Spartans!"
Episode 10
First off, please allow me to apologize for my tardiness in bringing you this recap. I was jet-lagged from my commercial flight. Now...
B+
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"Viva Italia!"
Episode 9
Evidently the girls did have fun on their commercial flightwell, everyone except Fatima, who caught a bad cold on the...
A-
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"For Those About To Walk, We Salute You"
Episode 8
"Have fun on your commercial flight!" Has there ever been a better dismissal? Those words almost traced a silhouette of a drag queen...
A-
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"If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere"
Episode 7
I usually ignore the titles of these episodes because, well, it's just one more thing to ignore when watching ANTM, like...
C
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"House Of Pain"
Episode 6
Oh, Aimee's a Mormon? Aww, and she was so cute as a little girl, tucked underneath her mom's prairie sleeve and long hair. Well, Aimee, I...
B-
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"Top Model Takes It To The Street"
Episode 5
Commercial! Couture! Catalogue! Stop: you're all wrong. (The correct answer is Poster Paint Bukakke.)
This episode had nothing...
B
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"Where's The Beef?"
Episode 4
At what point does a metaphor cease to be a metaphor? Is it when a crazed "runway coach" takes you to a fire house in order to...
B
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"Top Model Makeovers"
Episode 3
Wal-Mart and several Cover Girl products at dawn, the East River and cheesy lingerie at dusk: Tyra really is making use of all that...
B+
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"New York City, Here We Come"
Episode 2
First off, fellow ANTM endurers, allow me to apologize. I was apparently so traumatized by Cycle 9 and/or so immersed in...
A-
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"America's Next Top Model Is..."
Episode 13
Well, how about that? An actual high-fashion model who doesn't have a weird personality or gimmick or vocal defect (hi, Jaslene!)...
B
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"Good Times And Windmills"
Episode 12
First off, allow me to apologize for the extreme tardiness of this review. Please know that I was not shirking my most sacred...
A-
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"The Final Five"
Episode 11
The description for this episode on my cable guide read simply, "One model screams at the judges"--six words that made me...
B
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"Planes, Trains & Slow Automobiles"
Episode 10
Bad news, ANTM blog fans: Your regular host, Amelie Gillette, could not be with you this evening, so I’ve been...
C+
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"Now You See Me, Now You Don't"
Episode 9
If most episodes of America's Next Top Model are like being trapped in a constantly spinning gravitron of ridiculousness,...
A-
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"The Fiercee Awards"
Episode 7
It's the episode we've all been waiting for (besides the makeovers, the go-sees, and the commercial tapings): the one where Tyra...
B+
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"Natural Beauty"
Episode 6
This episode by the numbers:
4--number of distinct accents I heard Tyra use at panel (That odd sing-songy voice counts as an...
B-
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"Fierce Eyes"
Episode 5
Well, if there's one thing we learned from tonight's extra special double elimination (yea!) of ANTM, it's that you should...
B
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"You're Beautiful, Now Change"
Episode 4
I love the title of this, the makeover episode, because it hints at Tyra's major motivations for these and all ANTM makeovers:...
A-
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"The Ladder Of Model Success"
Episode 3
"What I do: my. mind. goes. some. where. else." A valuable piece of advice, delivered in stunning self-important staccato, by Tyra...
B+
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"The Notorious Fierce Fourteen" & "Top Model Inauguration"
Episode 1 & 2
The gravitron of ridiculousness that Tyra built, America's Next Top Model is now on its eleventh cyclea fact that sends...
A-
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B-
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B
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B
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B-
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B-
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C
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C
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C+
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B-
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B+
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B-
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B
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B+
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B
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B
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C
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B
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C+
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C+
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B+
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C+
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B
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"The Girl Who Becomes America's Next Top Model"
Episode 13
The news came down with a resounding "Duh," followed by a series of extended yips and shrieks. America's Next Top Girl Who Does A...
C+
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"The Girls Go To The Great Wall"
Episode 12
Well, the bitch is dead. Not that it really matters if Bianca's in the competition or not. We all know who's winning this cycle: You...
B
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"The Girls Go On Go-See Adventures"
Episode 11
After watching tonight's ANTM I am left with only one question: Who is everyone going to vote for as next week's Cover Girl...
A-
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"The Girls Go To Shanghai"
Episode 10
Tonight's episode of Top Model was fueled not by Mr. Jay's constructive and conflicting criticism, or by Tyra's ego, or...
B+
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"The Girl Who Starts To Lose Her Cool"
Episode 9
America's Next Top Model asks us to believe a lot of things that are obviously lies: That these girls could actually be...
B+
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"The Girl Who Crawls"
Episode 8
We're finally over the clip show hump, and it is much better on the other side. Well, it's manageable on the other side, at least....
B
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"The Girl Who Gets A Mango"
Episode 6
Wow. (And I mean that as unenthusiastically as possible.) The weeding out episodes are just unbearable, aren't they? Can they please...
D
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"The Girl Who Is Afraid Of Heights"
Episode 5
The description of this episode on my digital cable read, "Models learn to pose with movement; gargoyles." That pretty much sums it up....
B-
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"The Girl Who Goes Bald"
Episode 4
Since the start of this cycle of ANTM, one question has reverberated endlessly in my brain: What will Jenah (the extra "h" is for "ugh")look...
B
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"The Girls Go Rock Climbing"
Episode 3
I was praying for makeover week. With Amelie out on vacation and me tasked with walking in her hate-filled shoes, I was relying on...
C
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"The Models Go Green"
Episode 2
Hey, did everyone know that this season, ahem, excuse me, cycle of America's Next Top Model is the green...
B
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"The Girls Go Cruisin'"
Episode 1
It seems unbelievable, but it's taken nine cycles, four years, and one network merger for America's Next Top Model to...
B
