5 reasons why we should ignore Michele Bachmann’s presidential chatter
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Last week, Rep. Michele Bachmann hinted that she’s considering a run for president in 2012, and, like everything the Republican representative says and does, this earned far more attention than it warranted. Bachmann is an expert in “sky is falling” scare tactics, ably terrifying her own constituents and Democrats afraid of anyone who listens to her. The best course of action would be to just ignore her, but since the media and the public refuse to do that, all we can do is throw some water on the fire. While Bachmann’s presidential bid has great potential for hilarity, she wouldn’t get far. Here’s why.
1. She’s a Congressional representative.
Think fast: Who was the last incumbent Congressional representative to be elected president? The last—actually, the only—one was James Garfield. Reps don’t get elected for the big job; governors (and, less commonly, senators) do. Presidential candidates have to be able to show that they can lead sizable populations—bodies much larger than Bachmann’s approximately 600,000-person district.
2. She hasn’t accomplished anything.
Bachmann has proven herself adept at acting as a blathering talking head on cable news shows, but that’s the extent of her legacy. During her four years in Congress, her greatest hits include attempting to repeal the ban on less energy-efficient incandescent light bulbs (the Light Bulb Freedom Of Choice Act!) and trying to keep the U.S. census from asking too many personal questions (like anything beyond “How many people live in your house?”). As a state senator for six years prior to her election to Congress, Bachmann was best known for repeatedly proposing an amendment banning same-sex marriage, which was repeatedly rejected.
3. She has crazy eyes.
Americans like candidates they can imagine having a beer with, and people with crazy eyes are never the ones you want to invite out for drinks.
4. She wouldn’t win Minnesota.
Political parties back candidates who can win their own states. Why put your faith in someone who doesn’t have the trust of the people who know her best? Bachmann has never campaigned in a statewide election, so her popularity has never really been tested outside of the 6th District. But she preaches a certain brand of Tea Party crazy that doesn’t necessarily fly in even the most conservative parts of the state. Want more reasons why she wouldn’t win Minnesota? See numbers two and three. And if you’re itchin’ to see Bachmann lose a larger race, keep your eyes peeled for her attempt at taking Amy Klobuchar’s Senate seat once her presidential dreams are dashed.
5. She’s the wrong she.
If the GOP chooses to run a misinformed, fear-mongering brunette lady in 2012,
Bachmann ain’t going to be it. Even taking into account the recent attention given to Sarah Palin’s sickening “crosshairs” map, she’s a much stronger candidate, and one with experience campaigning on a national level. Plus, she has her own TV show, a daughter who’s a role model for teenage mothers and amateur ballroom dancers alike, and the folksy accent that the Minnesota-raised Bachmann somehow lacks. Bachmann’s like an unknown actress who auditions to co-star with Morgan Freeman in a crappy ’90s thriller—and her competition is Ashley Judd. It’s pretty obvious who’d get the part.
