Roll Call A 6-pack of Christmas Ales

For the fine staff of The A.V. Club, the holidays mean a few things. There’s family, of course, along with friends, presents, and important vacation days away from our computers. All of that might be a little less jolly, though, without a little holiday cheer, so we’ve taken it upon ourselves to bring back our patented rundown of fair Christmas ales. While last year we drank ourselves into a stupor with a case of cinnamon-tinged ales and spicy lagers, this year we avoided repeat offenders and just went for six new—to us, at least—boozy delights, purveyors of jingle bell headaches, all. For your benefit and to our detriment, we now present our rundown, rated on a scale of one to five hos, where five is a beer so festive it might as well have been made from crushed candy canes and sparkly reindeer droppings.

Ale Asylum Mercy
Brewed in: Madison, Wisconsin
They say it’s: “This full-bodied Belgian-style ale gives you rich aroma and flavor with a smooth finish. After celebrating Chrismahanukwanzakah, you’re going to need it.”
We say it’s: deceptively easy to drink considering its face-punching 9.5 percent alcohol and without much of the vapor effect that comes from high-ABV brews. A six-pack runs a bit steeper than many in the quantity-over-quality crowd are used to spending, but this limited-edition grand cru is worth the cost since it can really knock your block off.
Cheer rating: Three and half ho’s—more than enough taste and booziness to blur all the December holidays together, just like advertised.

Bah Humbug!
Brewed in: Oxfordshire, England
They say it’s: “a rich, fruity, spiced ale guaranteed to make even the most seasoned party pooper smile.”
We say it’s: got a decent amount of spice and fruit. It’s not Scrooge-miserly, but it’s not exactly “rich” with them. There’s plenty of cinnamon in there, which is warming and delicious. Too many Christmas and Winter Ales seem like they’re trying to fatten you up with all these thick chocolate notes, like you have to put on eight pounds to get through the winter because you’re apartment isn’t heated. Despite its grumpy name, there’s nothing really off-putting or abrasive about this winter warmer; it’s really tasty, and surprisingly light. So much so, in fact, that we think we’ll have another.
Cheer rating: Three ho’s for being light and pleasingly malty, but a big bah humbug for lacking in complexity.

Tröegs Mad Elf Ale
Brewed in: Hershey, Pennsylvania
They say it’s: “a cheerful creation to warm your heart and enlighten your tongue.”
We say it’s: a sneaky one at 11 percent, particularly because of the sweetness—the beer’s “juju” ingredients, as Tröegs calls them, are cherries and honey, with chocolate malt thrown in for good measure—and because of how low the carbonation is. It’s pretty easy to mistake the booze burnoff for bubbles and wind up pretty tipsy pretty fast. It’s not candy, though—the sweetness is balanced out by spice, particularly cloves. It’s got a deep reddish hue to match the cherry smell and taste, and it’ll definitely warm you up.
Cheer rating: Four and a half ho’s. Just beware of the instadrunk.

Goose Island Christmas Ale
Brewed in: Chicago, Illinois
They say it's: “An American Brown Ale”
We say it's: not showing any signs of a beer made by the Bud folks. Fear abounded about Goose Island losing some of the quality that made it the beloved Chicago brand that it is today when it sold to Anheuser-Busch, but beers like this seasonal quell those notions pretty quickly. The recipe changes every year for the Christmas Ale, and while the distribution area continues to grow, Goose Island’s brews have yet to show any signs of a beer that’s too mass-produced to maintain its caliber. Surprisingly light for a brown ale, this Christmas Ale is nicely spiced without overdoing it, and quite smooth (the label claims a 6.2-percent ABV, but that may be generous), ending with a cozy, subtle-but-sweet nuttiness—nothing revolutionary, but a very solid and highly drinkable beer nonetheless. Bah humbugs be damned, this is one to have too many of until you've found your inner Bill Murray circa the end of Scrooged.
Cheer rating: Four ho’s. As far as holiday beers go, definitely one of the more enjoyable of the bunch, even at an obnoxious $16 per four-pack.

Three Floyd’s Alpha Klaus Porter
Brewed in: Munster, Indiana
They say it’s: “A big American Christmas Porter brewed with English chocolate malt, Mexican sugar and of course, tons of strange American hops.”
We say it’s: a fantastic, smooth porter with a mix of chocolate, hops, and coffee. This dark brown—almost black—porter is easy to swallow, creamy, with a slightly bittersweet taste. Hints of citrus hops, caramel, and malts add a sweetness to the thick brew which warms you with holiday cheer from head to toe. Another winner from Three Floyd’s that should be a staple of any holiday beer tasting.
Cheer rating: Four ho’s. The mix of roasted coffee and hints of chocolate make this an easy, thoroughly enjoyable porter for the holidays.

Boulevard Brewing Nutcracker Ale
Brewed In: Kansas City, Missouri
They say it’s: “a classic winter ale, deep amber in color, with hints of molasses balanced by the ‘spiciness’ of freshly harvested Chinook hops.”
We say it’s: a nice beer for a short burst of holiday cheer. It’s lighter than most Christmas ales, so it goes down the ol’ chimney pretty smooth. It does have a bright, sweet finish, though, so it’s not something we’d want to drink all night long. Boulevard gets bonus points for its nice gift-worthy packaging, which is far more wrap-able than most six-pack holders.
Cheer rating: Three ho’s. It’s like an umbrella in your stocking: useful, but not all that exciting.