Auld lang signs

In some cultures, the coming of a new year is observed by the squandering of meager cash reserves on trifles of entertainment and short-lived chemical intoxication, often in the company of complete strangers who may or may not want to sleep with you. Ours being one of those cultures, we’re pleased to offer this rundown of a few dozen events at which this hallowed tradition will be honored—some conventional, some unusual, all just a bleary-eyed cab ride away.

A Night In The BoxA Night In The Box + The Brass Kings: 331 Club
As the 21st century digs its technological fingernails ever deeper into your soul, pause for a few lively hours of acoustic roots music, played by kind locals you’d be happy to share a beer with.

The Magnolias + Tim Casey And The Martyrs, High On Stress: 400 Bar
The Magnolias reunited back in 2005 and have played infrequently around town since then. Catch them here before they go back to touring Europe—where they’re more popular—in the spring.

Eyedea & AbilitiesEyedea & Abilities: 7th Street Entry
The former kings of the battle circuit don’t play together very often, so if you’re looking for an event that’s unique from New Year’s Eves past and future, cram yourself into the Entry for this rarefied E&A throwdown.

Image New Year’s Eve: Carole Martin & The Dave Karr Quartet: Artists’ Quarter
Long gone are the days when classy jazz parties were commonplace, but the Artists’ Quarter keeps that sophisticated vibe alive with a group of people who’ve been in the game for years.

Spirit Of '09 New Year’s Eve Bash: Barfly
Three rooms, two floors, one big-ass party, complete with DJs and a midnight toast.

Dreamland Faces: Bedlam Theater
A group that uses the accordion as its primary instrument is hard to find outside of the polka circuit. Add in a claviola, a saw, and projected video and you have the surreal experience of Dreamland Faces.

MC/VL + Unicorn Basement, Haunted House, Beatrix Jar: Big V’s
Local rap duo Mighty Clyde and Vicious Lee rock the mic old-school, in the spirit of ’80s-era Beastie Boys and Run-DMC.

All I Want For Christmas Is 700 Billion Dollars: Our 50th Noel: Brave New Workshop
If laughter is the best medicine and alcohol is a close second, BNW’s seasonal improv revue and scheduled champagne toast ought to have you feeling much, much better.

The Scrimshaw Brothers’ New Year’s Eve Spectacular: Bryant-Lake Bowl
If the promise of fresh offerings from Minneapolis’ best sketch comedy team isn’t enough to get you here, then perhaps it’s time to mention the free party favors.

Martini & OliveMartini & Olive’s New Years Eve Spectacular: Bryant-Lake Bowl
Comedy combined with overly colorful costumes might be just the combination you need to stay awake and just-sober-enough until midnight.

Dr. Mambo’s Combo: Bunker’s Music Bar & Grill
Warning: Funky grooves and drink specials may result in resolutions against dancing. Please boogie responsibly.

Wookiefoot + Heatbox, San Souci Quartet: Cabooze
Laid-back jams will help ease the beer down your throat, and ease your entire body into an alternate dimension called 2009.

The Producers: Chanhassen Dinner Theatre
Never made it to Broadway? Lucky for you, this production of the hit comedy-musical comes with a full meal to cushion the disappointment.

Another Night Before Christmas: Chanhassen Dinner Theatre
Still recovering from the holiday blues? This two-person show might make that process easier or harder, depending on how you react to other people’s lonely Christmas tales.

Altar Boyz: Chanhassen Dinner Theatre
Boy bands and Jesus, united in song! The Chanhassen’s cheeky musical brings these two cultural artifacts together at last.

Noon Year’s Eve: Como Zoo
New Year’s Eve can be rough on parents. You’d love to let the kids stay up until midnight for the countdown, but bedtime is bedtime. As a compromise, Como Zoo offers this disruption of the time-space continuum, hosting kid-friendly activities and entertainment in the morning, followed by a countdown to noon.

Scott Hansen’s Savage New Year’s Eve: Dan Patch American Legion
Comedian Scott Hansen and fellow yuksters Duane Bjerke, Bob DeMaris, and Scott Kadrlik laugh in the new year out in the southern suburbs. Price of admission includes two drinks.

The Steeles + Moore By Four: Dakota Jazz Club
An epic five-course meal accompanied by some of the best jazz in town is merely an appetizer, followed by the soul power of the Steeles and a champagne toast.

New Year’s Nation: Epic Nightclub
If you like your parties networked, Epic is the spot. By way of an HD video link to 10 similar clubs across four time zones, there’ll be a live TRVSDJAM set from New York and a live feature on ESPN’s “Red Bull: New Year, No Limits.”

Lil’ Ed & The Blues Imperials + Jeff Gerbino, Liz Cummings: Famous Dave’s BBQ & Blues
Vocalist Liz Cummings, comedian Jeff Gerbino, and electric blues aces Lil’ Ed & The Blues Imperials compete with ribs and deep-fried delights for your New Year’s affection.

Hookers & Blow + The Alarmists: Fine Line Music Cafe
Both bands play around town plenty, but rarely do you get the chance to watch them share fond kisses and teary embraces as the globe spins us all one wobbly step closer to Armageddon.

A Party We Can Believe In: First Avenue
This platform of party jocks will spin for those with faith in the wheels of steel, who know that the two zeroes in 2009 are really tiny turntables. Mike The 2600 King and DJ SovietPanda headline.

Shoop!: Hat Trick Lounge
Is two vocalists too few for you? How about three? Still not enough pipes for your pleasure? Shoop! employs five singers plus five players, forming a full posse of swinging rockers.

Dance Band + Fort Wilson Riot, Best Friends Forever, NyteOwl: Hexagon Bar
The Hex will be jumping with sets from several of the cities’ better live acts, including the disco-riffic Dance Band and theatrical indie-rockers Fort Wilson Riot.

Minnesota Miracle New Year’s Eve Celebration: Hilton MSP Airport/Mall Of America
Do you have kids but don’t want to spend New Year’s stuck at home? Also, do you hate cancer? This overnight hotel event features “safe and controlled” family activities, live music by Synergy, plus auctions to benefit families of children with cancer.

The Crystal Ball + ReSOULution: International Market Square
This is what Hegel had in mind when he proposed the dialectic synthesis. ReSOULution and Crystal Ball combine to bring you a four-part fashion runway show, more than 20 bars, and Jason Heinrichs along with seven other performers and DJs.

Alex Cole + Mike Brody, Amber Preston: Joke Joint Comedy Club
Longtime local comic Alex Cole headlines this evening at the Joke Joint and Ramada Mall Of America, which also includes music by the Big City Band and vocalist Robi, and a champagne toast at midnight.

DJ Bach + Estate: Kitty Cat Klub
The KCK’s New Year’s party features electronica/trip-hoppers Estate and turntable wizardry from DJ Bach.

Belfast Cowboys: Lee’s Liquor Lounge
It’s a marvelous night for a moondance with Van Morrison tribute band Belfast Cowboys.

New Year’s Eve Spectacular: The Lounge
A “premium open bar” helps to ensure that you won’t start off your 2009 thirsty. You’ll also get three rooms filled with DJs, live percussion, and music of various flavors.

Playback: Mainstreet Bar & Grill
Playback plays live while you sip complimentary champagne. Party favors included.

The Mason Dixons: Mayslack’s
Stuff all the country-rock, booze, and buffet you can into the waning hours of 2008. With chicken wings, mini-Mayslack’s roast beef sandwiches, and chocolate-covered pretzels on the menu, you may need help lifting your friends into the van after midnight.

The Poseidon Adventure: Music Box Theatre
Don your campiest cruisewear and watch the cast of 1972 cheeseball disaster epic The Poseidon Adventure ring in the new year, timed precisely to the real-life midnight countdown. Interactive audience guide, pre-show entertainment, and prizes provided by the Hell In A Handbag troupe.

Blue Man Group: Mystic Lake Casino
There will be a lot of parties tonight featuring models in body paint, but this is probably the only one where they’ll be throwing marshmallows into each other’s mouths from across the room.

Vic Volare: Landmark Center
Party like it’s 1954! A black-tie event suitable for fans of the Rat Pack and nostalgic chic.

Black & White Ball: Myth Nightclub
This black-and-white-themed New Year’s party is replete with a champagne toast, party favors, and a midnight balloon drop. It’ll be like the circus before the invention of Technicolor.

GB Leighton: O’Gara’s Garage
The Shamrock Shuttle isn’t a dance move, but rather the jitney that takes you from the Kelly Inn to O’Gara’s to hear G.B. Leighton and Chris Hawkey strum in the New Year.

Jeff Cesario + Tim Cavanagh: Scott Hansen’s Comedy Gallery
Seasoned stand-up-comedy purveyors may or may not ease your pre-New Year’s kiss jitters.

Casino Royale 009: Solera
The Russians have stolen New Year’s Eve, and only James Bond—or dozens of drunk guys pretending to be him—can save the day. Girls and gambling may or may not help.

Club Underground’s New Year’s Eve Bash: Spring Street Tavern Club Underground
Besides the obligatory champagne toast and drink specials, Spring Street’s party includes comedy from Gus Lynch, Tom Steffen, and Greg Hernandez, a burlesque show by Foxy Tann, and music from surf/black-metal genre-hoppers Lusurfer (who perform in KISS makeup and Hawaiian shirts), The Spent 50’s, and The Anonymous.

The Animal Gods + The Norsemen, Bluebird, Plate Of Shrimp, The Awkwards: Stasiu’s Place
A low-budget night of live music plus DJ sets by KFAI’s Radio Rumpus Room and DJs Rock The Monkey.

Rock For A Cure: Station 4
Proceeds from this charity bash go to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. On the bill are Marcus Lere, The Chairs, Hydro Bliss, Debbie Does Malice, and DJ Superunknown.

The Freshest New Year’s Party In Town: Stella’s Fish Cafe & Prestige Oyster Bar
Shuck an oyster and drink all you can on Stella’s heated rooftop, which ought to be less annoyingly crowded than it is during the summer.

Maud Hixson & Rick Carlson: Times Bar & Café
Hixson and Carlson offer a tribute to Irving Berlin, with two dinner seatings to accommodate early birds and night owls alike.

The Original Cheapie Night: Town House Bar
An over-hyped holiday doesn’t change the fact that Wednesday is always “The Original Cheapie Night” at the Town House. Be nice to your wallet in this sinking economy by enjoying $1 domestic beers and rail drinks into 2009.

The Big Wu: Trocaderos
Possible definitions of “party favor” may multiply as the Twin Cities’ preeminent jam band lights it up for New Year’s. Bogarting prohibited.


In what’s become an annual tradition, local bands will be covering the classics at the Turf Club, with STNNNG as Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Daughters Of The Sun as 13th Floor Elevators, and Vampire Hands as the Rolling Stones.


Minneapolis’ preferred piano-rock wacko holds forth in Dinkytown, joined by E.L.O. cover pros E.L.nO. and the ubiquitous Lucy Michelle.