Hold it: 5 local bar bathrooms to avoid

If you’ve ever pounded dirt-cheap Grain Belt and $1.50 shots of Jag at a dive bar, then you know that christening the already filthy bathroom can be one of the most satisfying experiences of the night. (After all, what could be more of a buzzkill than a bathroom attendant watching as you projectile-vomit all over his sparkling floor?) Now that the 7th Street Entry’s former hellhole of a bathroom has undergone a renovation, The A.V. Club went in search of the new shittiest dive bar bathroom in the Twin Cities. Here are some contenders.

Liquor Lyle’s (2021 Hennepin Ave., 612-870-8183)
Grossness: 3/5
Liquor Lyle’s boasts some of the best drink specials in town (hello, 2-4-1s), and the drunks tossing them back are an eclectic mix of hipsters, lifers, and possible perverts. That aside, nothing screams “dirty dive” better than a piss trough next to a condom dispenser. If you’re pee-shy and choose to head for the lone stall, hopefully you're also a contortionist—you’ll be straddling the toilet while you try to hold the door closed.
Best graffiti: A drawing behind the toilet of a “baked” potato, complete with a skateboard and bloodshot eyes drawn in red. (Get it? He’s stoned!)

Sunrise Inn (4563 S. 34th Ave., 612 721-3137)
Grossness: 4/5
A blue-collar dive just off the Hiawatha Line, Sunrise Inn is one of the best people-watching bars in the Cities. Crackheads and shirtless drunks with decades-long feuds come here for the cheap booze and Juicy Lucys. But when it’s time to break the seal, you’ll be creeping down a wooden staircase to a Blair Witch-style basement. The stucco-lined bathroom is just past the boiler room, its cement floors forever wet with God knows what. If you’re a girl, enjoy the nearly caved-in ceiling and an overflowing trashcan covered in mysterious stains.
Best graffiti: You won’t find graffiti here—it’s all been whitewashed away. And judging from the floor, Sunrise Inners prefer to mark their territory with bodily fluids.

CC Club (2600 S. Lyndale Ave., 612-874-7226)
Grossness: 5/5
A hipster hangout in Uptown’s Wedge neighborhood, the CC Club offers great booze specials, as well as pinball, pool, and specialty-drinking nights (Board Game Mondays!). But if you need to relieve yourself after all those Surlys, well, God be with you. Recent trips have turned up used hypodermic needles in the urinal, and when it comes to the toilet, just pretend you’re a tightrope walker: Don’t look down.
Best graffiti: If it’s not sushi, we don’t even want to know what “Pussy Roll” is supposed to mean.

Tony Jaro's River Garden (2500 Marshall St. N.E., 612-789-9728)
Grossness: 3/5
Tony Jaro's is a classic Nordeast Pedal Pub stop along the Mississippi. Dudes, if you can’t hold it, pray you’re not in for a sit-down—if you don’t unload in the 3-foot-long, ice-filled trough, you’ll be sitting on the toilet in full view of everyone else (no stall door in here). Ladies, you’ll be sitting sideways just to fit in the teeny-tiny stall.
Best graffiti: We think the spelling of “Mike F-Kid Wuz Hear ♥” speaks for itself.

Turf Club (1601 University Ave. W., St. Paul, 651-647-0486)
Grossness: 5/5
This West University dive is a great place for live music. It’s also a great place to get filthy drunk. Don’t worry if you get too wasted here; the bathrooms already know what’s coming. The men’s room is complete with an old-school porcelain trough, a missing lock on the stall, and a hurricane of used(?) toilet paper. If you're planning on washing your hands (and seriously, why wouldn’t you?), be prepared to dry them off with those disgusting re-usable hand towels.
Best graffiti: Signatures are everywhere, but a few especially brave souls have actually tagged the bottom of the toilet seat. We just pray they wore gloves. And a gasmask.